“What did the egg say when it got turned up?”/“Om lit.”
"What did the egg say when it got turned up?"/"Om lit (omelet/omelette)" is a joke that has been printed on GIFs. "Turned up" and "lit" are slang for…
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“How do you know when your girlfriend is getting too fat?”/“She fits in your wife’s clothes.”
A popular fat joke -- from a man's perspective -- is: Q: How do you know when your girlfriend is getting too fat?A: She fits in your wife's clothes. The joke has been cited in print since…
“Is Google a woman? Because it won’t let you finish without coming up with other suggestions”
Is the search engine Google a woman? Many images have been made suggesting this. "I also reason that Google is a woman; its just as unpredicatable" was posted on Twitter on May 22, 2009.…
“I submitted 10 puns to a newspaper contest hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did”
A classic pun has a man submitting 10 puns to a local newspaper's pun contest. He hoped that one would win, but no pun in ten did (no pun intended). A version of the pun has been cited in…
“So I’ve decided that my wifi will be my valentine. I don’t know, we just have this connection”
"I asked my wifi to be my valentine - We have a great connection" is a jocular saying that has been printed on a ceramic mug. "My valentine. We have a special connection...... its…
“Why did the M&M go to school?”/“Because it wanted to be a Smartie.”
A popular riddle about Smarties candy has been cited in print since at least 1997: Q: Why did the jellybean go to school?A: He wanted to be a Smartie. An M&M version has been cited in print…
Meadery
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: MeaderyA meadery is a winery that produces honey wines or meads. Particularly in Cornwall, a meadery can also refer to a type of restaurant that serves mead and…
“Why did the guy name his dog 5 Miles?”/“So every day he can say, ‘I just walked 5 Miles.’”
Entry in progress -- B.P. "The doctor told me that I need to lose some weight, so I bought a dog, named him ‘Some Weight,’ and lost him" is a similar joke. Twitter Jamie…
“I’m hungry.”/“Hi hungry. I’m Dad.”
A classic "dad joke" has been cited in print since at least 1996: CHILD: I'm hungry.DAD: Nice to meet you, Hungry. I'm Dad (or dad's name). A slightly extended version was…
“eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches”
eBay.com is an online auction and shopping website. A joke is: "eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches." The joke was first posted on Twitter…
“People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Pun.meApril 15, 201640 Best Dad Jokes which are embarrassingly awful!(...)40. People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the…
“Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you. How could that happen?”
There's a school joke about the teacher who suspects a student of cheating: Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you. How could that happen?Student: We have the same…
“What do you call a fat psychic?”/“A four-chin teller.”
A popular fat joke about double chins (and more) is: Q: What do you call a fat psychic?A: A four-chin (fortune) teller "Hey, you bastid, you been talkin' that four-chin teller?" was…
“I donut understand food puns”
"I donut (do not) understand food puns" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "i Donut understand food puns" was posted on Twitter on January 28,…
“I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell”
"I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell" is a joke from British stand-up comedian Gary Delaney, who used it in the BBC show Mock the Week. The joke was posted to…
“Toasters were the first pop-up notification”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Reddit -- Shower ThoughtsToasters were the first pop-up notification.November 18, 2016 by henhen3000 TwitterJim Martin@DealzzOfTheDayToasters were the first pop-up…
“What’s long and thin, covered in skin, red in parts and goes in tarts?”/“Rhubarb.”
A food riddle -- with sexual innuendo -- is: Q: What's long and thin, covered in skin, red in parts, and goes in tarts?A: Rhubarb. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1974.…
“You know what they say about cliffhangers”
A "cliffhanger ending" leaves the viewer or reader in suspense -- until the next program or page. The joke "You know what they say about cliffhangers" was posted on Twitter on…
“I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterSteve Mazepa@zepadeedoodahStairs are always up to something...10:20 PM - 4 Aug 2011 TwitterNegrito Cobblepot@tiptopstopWhy can't you trust stairs?…
“What’s the worst thing about ancient history class?”/“The teachers tend to Babylon.”
"Babylon" sounds like "babble on." "Yah, they do tend to Babylon" was posted to the newsgroup rec.humor on December 19, 1989. "Ancient orators tended to…