“Men like football because the priorities are Scoring and Ball Security”
A football joke is: "Men like football because the biggest priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man's life, Scoring and Ball Security." "Why do men…
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“What do you call children born in whorehouses?”/“Brothel sprouts.”
A riddle about Brussels sprouts is: Q: What do you call children born in whorehouses?A: Brothel sprouts. The "brothel sprouts" pun has been cited in print since at least 1950, when the…
“Alcohol helps to remove the stress, the tension, the bra, the panties and a host of other problems”
"Alcohol helps to remove the stress, the tension, the bra, the panties and a host of other problems" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“I spent four years in college and didn’t learn anything. Double majored in psych & reverse psych”
American actor, writer and comedian B. J. Novak told this joke in his stand-up comedy act by at least 2003: "I learned nothing in college. It really was kind of my own fault. I had a double…
“We never knew he was drunk…until he showed up for work sober”
"We never knew he was drunk...until he showed up for work sober" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "I think the only way my boss would know I was…
“I tried to say no to vodka, but it’s 40% stronger than me”
"I tried to say no to vodka, but it's 40% stronger than me" is a jocular one-line vodka saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on October 6,…
“What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?”
American actor and comedian W, C, Fields (1880-1946), playing the character Larsen E. Whipsnade in the film You Can't Cheat an Honest Man (1939), said: "Victoria, dear, some weasel took…
“What’s the difference between a dog and a fox?”/“About five drinks.”
In sex slang, a "dog" is an unattractive woman and a "fox" is an attractive woman. A riddle is: Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox?A: About five drinks. The…
“If Monday had a face, I would punch it”
"If Monday had a face, I would punch it" (or "If Monday had a face, I'd punch it" or "Punch Monday in the face") is a saying about Monday -- the usual start of…
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems”
"Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness" is a one-line saying about Monday that has been printed on many…
“On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks”
American journalist and humorist H. Allen Smith (1907-1976) wrote in the book Let the Crabgrass Grow (1960): "On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created…
“Mondays are for fresh starts”
"Mondays are for fresh starts" is a motivational work saying about Monday that has been printed on many images. "Sundays are for reflection, Mondays are for fresh starts!" was…
“Do what you love and you’ll never have a problem with Monday”
"Do what you love and you'll never have a problem with Monday" (or "Do what you love and you will never have a problem with Monday") is a one-line saying about work that…
“Employers are most happy on Mondays. Employees are most happy on Fridays”
"Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays" is a saying about work that has been printed on several images. The saying was credited to…
“Thank God it’s Monday…said no one ever”
"Thank God it's Monday...said no one ever" is a jocular one-line saying about Mondays -- the usual start of the work week -- that has been printed on many images. "Thank God…
“Make your passion your paycheck”
"Make your passion your paycheck" -- the opposite of "Make your paycheck your passion" -- is an motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted…
“Fool me 350,000 times, you are a weather man”
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" is an old proverb. "Fool me 350,000 times, you are a weatherman" is a jocular variation that has been printed on many…
“I need a vacation, not a stupid weekend”
"I need a vacation, not a stupid weekend" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was printed on Twitter on January 25, 2013. Twitter ☯ @suhlinggI…
“Ninety percent of politics is deciding whom to blame”
American political columnist Meg Greenfield (1930-1999) wrote in the Washington (DC) Post on February 5, 1996: "Ninety percent of politics is deciding whom to blame. The other 10 percent may…
“Once you lick frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin”
"Once you lick frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin" is a jocular one-line saying about cupcakes that has been printed on many images. "If you trim the skin off a cupcake, it…