Mutually Assured Blackmail (MAB)
"Mutual(ly) assured blackmail" (MAB) is a term similar to "mutual(ly) assured destruction" (MAD). Everyone in the government spies on everyone else and learns secrets, so…
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“If you buy smartwater for $4 a bottle, it’s not working”
Many people believe that smartwater is a waste of money, and is not much better than tap water. "If you're buy 'Smart Water' for $4 a bottle, I'm sorry to tell you, but…
“What food can’t make up its mind?”/“A waffle.”
A waffle riddle has been printed on several images: Q: What food can't make up its mind?A: A waffle. The "waffle" riddle was on the American animated sitcom Family Guy, on the…
“It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it, then feel really sad around 8 p.m.”
"It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it, then feel really sad around 8 p.m." is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on April 19,…
“I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet. Whoops, E-Daisies”
A joke on the word "whoopsy-daisy" is: "I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet. Whoops, E-Daisies." The one-liner was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 9,…
“Dunno what this WiFi dude did, but I’ve seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom”
Many restaurants have signs that say "Free Wi-Fi," but that doesn't mean that someone named "Wi-Fi" is in jail. A jocular comment was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September…
“Yo mama is so fat, she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops”
A popular "yo mama" insult "fat joke" is: "Yo mama is so fat, she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops." The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“An acid and a base walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A chemistry version is: "An acid and a base walk into a bar. The police later arrested…
“Free Wi-Fi! He’s been in prison too long!”
Many restaurants have signs that say "Free Wi-Fi," but that doesn't mean that someone named "Wi-Fi" is in jail. A jocular comment was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September…
“I love my computer because my friends live in it”
"I love my computer because my friends live in it" is a computer saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on February 17, 2008. TwitterJohn Krutsch…
“Why do blondes hate M&Ms?”/“They’re too hard to peel.”
A riddle about M&Ms is: Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?A: They're too hard to peel. The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on May 7, 1992. Wikipedia: M&M'sM&M's…
Shellebration (shell + celebration)
A "shellebration" (shell + celebration) is a seafood festival. "A clambake (shellebration)" was cited in print in 1959. "Eating our seafood is a shell-ebration" was a…
“I’m a magician who steals candy bars. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve”
The Twix chocolate bar has had a few puns, such as a magician having Twix (tricks) up his sleeve. "One laugh on all of NBC's Thursday night shows: Twix up my sleeve. Ruined by being in…
“A man walks into a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table…” (bar joke)
According to one popular bar joke, a man enters a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. "Nice legs!" he says. "Do you really think so?" she asks him. "Definitely.…
“What do you call a snake who makes a living building passenger airplanes?”/“A Boeing constructor.”
A pun on the name "Boeing" is: Q: What do you call a snake who makes a living building passenger airplanes?A: A Boeing constructor. The riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September…
“Parenting with fruit snacks: little bags of shut the hell up”
"Parenting with fruit snacks: little bags of shut the hell up" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Fruit snacks are a big part of my parenting strategy. Little…
“What’s the longest piece of furniture in the school?”/“The multiplication table.”
A school riddle is: Q: What's the longest piece of furniture in the school?A: The multiplication table. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1957. Google BooksThe Year-Round Party…
“My houseplants probably wouldn’t die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids”
"My houseplants probably wouldn't die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids do" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The saying probably…
“Why shouldn’t you tell secrets when a clock is around?”/“Because time will tell.”
A clock riddle is: Q: Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? A: Because time will tell. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Google BooksBiggest Riddle Book in…
“What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?”/“It stole the show!”
A joke about a flea circus is: Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?A: It stole the show! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1935, when it was credited to New York…