“I’m on the third cheat year of my diet”
Some diets have "cheat days" (such as a Friday or a birthday) where the dieter is allowed to go off the diet for that day. A joke is that some "dieters" take cheat years.…
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“There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe—call in sick”
"There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe -- call in sick tomorrow" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was…
“Throwing acid is wrong—in some people’s eyes”
"Throwing acid is wrong -- in some people's eyes" is a jocular saying ("in some people's eyes" is an expression usually not meant to be taken literally) that has been…
“Computers can do more work than people because they never have to stop and answer the phone”
"One reason computers can do more work than humans is that they never have to stop to answer the phone" is a jocular line that was printed in several newspaper ads for several different…
“Computer: An electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities”
A jocular definition of "computer" has been printed on an image: "Computer: An electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities." "Computer…
“Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow”
"Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. They saying was posted on Twitter on February 21, 2007, and is of unknown…
“A parking meter is a device that enables you to do two hours’ shopping in one”
Parking meters often have a maximum of one hour -- otherwise, people would leave their cars longer. "Parking meter — A device that enables you to do two hours' shopping in one" is…
“What do you say to a vegetarian in a coma?”/“You are what you eat.”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
“Science: If you don’t make mistakes, you’re doing it wrong”
A popular image about science is: "Science:If you don't make mistakes, you're doing it wrong.If you don't correct those mistakes, you're doing it really wrong.If you…
“How do you catch a drummer?”/“With a snare.”
A drummer riddle is: Q: How do you catch a drummer?A: With a snare. "How do you catch a drummer? a really tight snare! (ba-dun-shhh)" was posted on Twitter on March 31, 2010. "How do…
“Why did the coffee get in trouble?”/“Because it was not tea.”
"Naughty" sounds like "not tea." A coffee riddle is: Q: Why did the coffee get in trouble?A: Because it was not tea (naughty). "Why did coffee get into trouble? Cause it…
“A picture is worth a thousand words, but it will take longer to download”
"A picture is worth a thousand words" is an old proverb. In the early days of the internet, pictures were difficult to download. "A picture is worth 1000 words, but it takes much…
“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step”
"Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?”/“Tell her a joke on Friday.”
A popular "dumb blonde" joke demonstrates how long it takes a blonde to process a joke. The St. Louis (MO) Post-Dispatch, on August 14, 1991, had this as just a day: Q: How do you make a…
“How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?”/“Tell her a joke on Wednesday.”
A popular "dumb blonde" joke demonstrates how long it takes a blonde to process a joke. The St. Louis (MO) Post-Dispatch, on August 14, 1991, had this as just a day: Q: How do you make a…
“Saturday—the day kids jump out of bed at 6am”
"Saturday. The day kids jump out of bed at 6am with all of the energy they claimed they didn't have all week long" is a jocular saying that has been printed on ecards. "Why is…
“Yo mama is so ugly, the NHL banned her for life”
A popular "yo mama" insult "ugly joke" is: "Yo mama is so ugly, the NHL banned her for life." The joke is that the NHL (National Hockey League) has had some ugly…
“I always get pickle and chutney mixed up. It makes me chuckle”
If you combine pickle and chutney, do you get the portmanteau word "chuckle"? "Morrison's dilemma of the Day: What's the difference between chutney and pickle? And if you…
“If ‘shat’ is the past tense of ‘shit’, then ‘fat’ must be the past tense of ‘fit’”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterMonica Holton@Moni2332I still think the past tense of "Fit" should be "Fat" just like "Shit" and "Shat"...12:40 PM - 24 Jul…
“The faster I type in my password, the more secret agenty I feel”
"The faster I type in my password, the more secret agenty I feel" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on October 15, 2011.…