The Only Day After Yesterday (“today” backronym)
The word "today" is not an acronym, but it is sometimes given a backronym (back acronym). "I know what TODAY stand for The Only Day After Yesterday it just hit me lol" was…
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“Baristas have to deal with people before they’ve had their morning coffee”
Many people are not pleasant until they've had their morning coffee. "The staff of @DunkinDonuts must be saints for dealing with people BEFORE they've had their morning coffee!…
“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help”
"Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“I don’t diet. I just eat according to my goals”
"I don't diet. I just eat according to my goals" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Some people eat to get stronger and have more energy, while others want to lose…
“Do you deliver?”/“No, but we do chicken, lamb and fish.”
A restaurant joke -- usually an Indian restaurant -- about takeout/takeaway is: PERSON ON PHONE TO RESTAURANT: Do you deliver?RESTAURANT EMPLOYEE: No, but we do chicken, lamb and fish.…
“What did one wall say to the other wall?”/“Meet me at the corner.”
A riddle about walls is: Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?A: "Meet me at the corner." The joke was printed in the Brooklyn (NY) Eagle on August 17, 1940. 17 August 1940,…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“Giant cannibals were soaking me in vinegar when I shouted, ‘Pickle someone your own size!’”
The word "pickle" doesn't mean "pick," but there's a pun: "Giant cannibals began to soak me in vinegar, I thought 'enough is enough.' 'Why…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“How do comedians send messages?”/“By tee-hee mail.”
An email riddle is: Q: How do comedians send messages?A: By tee-hee mail. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.happy.valley on October 22, 2002. Google Groups: alt.happy.valleyWays of sending…
“Are we there, Yeti?”
"Are we there yet?" is the classic question that children sitting in the back seat of a car ask a parent (in the front seat, such as the driver) on a long road trip. "Are we there,…
“Never forget that the human race with technology is just like an alcoholic”
Ted Kaczynski, also known as the Unabomber, sent a manifesto titled "Industrial Society and Its Future" to the Washington (DC) Post and the New York (NY) Times in September 1995. This…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“What do you call two pints of strict rules?”/“A quart of law.”
"A court of law" shouldn't be confused with "a quart of law." The western television series The Texan aired the episode "A Quart of Law" on January 12, 1959.…
Big Greasy (New Orleans nickname)
"Big Greasy" is a nickname of New Orleans, Louisiana, that was developed after the more popular nickname of "Big Easy." There are two different reasons for the "Big…
“The ice age walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An ice age version is: "The ice age walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Why…
“This is your Sunday evening reminder that you can handle whatever this week throws at you”
"This is your Sunday evening reminder that you can handle whatever this week throws at you" is a Sunday saying that has been printed on many images. The full saying was posted on This…
Jump City (New Orleans nickname)
"Jump City" is an infrequently used nickname for New Orleans, Louisiana. New Orleans saxophone great Jerry Jumonville and his Jump City Band recorded the song "Jump City" in…
“A man walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman…” (bar joke)
A popular lawyer joke has a man go into a bar, where he sees a smartly dressed woman. The woman looks at him and says, "Listen! I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my…
“All suspect milk is innocent until proven guilty in a quart of law”
"A court of law" shouldn't be confused with "a quart of law." The western television series The Texan aired the episode "A Quart of Law" on January 12, 1959.…