“If you don’t use fast food napkins as Kleenex in your car…”
Many people order drive-through fast food, then use the extra fast food napkins as "Kleenex" facial tissues. "If you don't use fast food napkins as Kleenex in your car, you must…
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“Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have four stomachs…” (joke)
Gray's Anatomy is an English written textbook of human anatomy that was originally written by Henry Gray. Grey's Anatomy is an American medical drama television series that premiered on…
“Do not drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote for Christmas…”
"Do not drink and wrap presents! Also if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I’m going to need that back!" was posted on Twitter by Yankee Jenn (and others) on December 15,…
“Bottled water companies don’t produce water, they produce plastic bottles”
"Bottled water companies don’t produce water, they produce plastic bottles" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on…
“Let’s put the wheat where the goats can eat it”
"Let’s put the wheat where the goats can eat it" was said by Joe Scarborough on the MSNBC television show Morning Joe on December 13, 2019. Scarborough said to go slow on the…
“What’s a cow’s favorite TV show?”/“Graze Anatomy.”
Gray's Anatomy is an English written textbook of human anatomy that was originally written by Henry Gray. Grey's Anatomy is an American medical drama television series that premiered on…
“What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?”/“You’re too young to smoke.”
A chimney riddle is: Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?A: "You're too young to smoke." The (cigarette) smoking joke has been cited in print since at least 1941.…
“Some herbs taste much better at Christmas. It’s the most wonderful thyme of the year”
"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" (1963) is a Christmas song that was recorded by singer Andy Williams (1927-2012). "Thyme" is a popular pun on the word…
“A fireman runs into a school clutching a screwdriver and shouts, ‘This is not a drill!’”
A "drill" (an exercise, such as a fire drill) should not be confused with a "drill" (a tool primarily used for making round holes or driving fasteners), but there are jokes.…
“Am I going to put the Christmas tree up myself? No, I’m going to put it up in the living room!”
A somewhat NSFW Christmas tree joke was posted on Twitter by Andy L Smith on December 18, 2009: "I bought a Christmas tree today The girl in the shop asked if I was going to put it up myself I…
“Are you putting the Christmas tree up yourself?”/“No, I’m going to put it up in the living room!”
A somewhat NSFW Christmas tree joke was posted on Twitter by Andy L Smith on December 18, 2009: "I bought a Christmas tree today The girl in the shop asked if I was going to put it up myself I…
“I paused my game to be here” (gaming saying)
"I paused my game to be here" is a jocular gaming saying that has been printed on many images. For a gamer to pause a game, something else must be very important! "Rocket Factory I…
“Damn, this year went by so fast I didn’t get a chance to lose weight”
"Damn, this year went by so fast I didn’t (even) get a chance to lose weight" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "This year has gone by so fast I didn’t even get a…
“How does a cowboy start his day?”/“He reboots.”
A cowboy riddle was posted on Reddit -- DadJokes on December 7, 2019, then on Reddit -- 3amjokes on December 14, 2019: Q: How does a cowboy start his day?A: He reboots. The joke essentially relates…
“Skylines are bar charts of a city’s wealth”
A city skyline of tall buildings can look like a bar chart. "Pankaj Pachauri went to NewYork. Sent back a post card with bar chart of NewYork skyline" was posted on Twitter by Telangana…
“Grapefruit is a fruit named after a fruit”
"Grapefruit" is a strange name to many. "Grapefruit, a fruit named after a fruit" was posted on Twitter by Mdange kaTshiwo on July 8, 2014. "Grapefruit: the only fruit…
“What do you call a computer mouse that swears?”/“A cursor.”
A computer riddle has been cited in print since at least 2012: Q: What do you call a mouse that swears?A: A cursor. The word "computer" was added in this version on Twitter by Olivia…
“What do you call a mouse that swears?”/“A cursor.”
A computer riddle has been cited in print since at least 2012: Q: What do you call a mouse that swears?A: A cursor. The word "computer" was added in this version on Twitter by Olivia…
“Stop posting your problems on Facebook and drink alcohol like the rest of us”
"Stop posting your problems on Facebook/Twitter and drink alcohol like the rest of us" is a saying that has been printed in several images. Before social media, people with problems just…
“Adulting is soup and I am a fork”
"Life is a soup and I'm a (fucking) fork" -- a utensil useless for drinking soup -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. The song "(I'm Gonna) Kick You…