“Always writing my name in cursive is my signature move”
A "signature move" (one's style) doesn't usually involve one's signature, but there are jokes. "Writing my name in cursive is my signature move" was posted on…
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“Before the movie starts, it’s just 50 people sitting in the dark eating corn”
When people go out to watch a movie, they often buy popcorn and start eating it before the movie starts. "Before the movie starts, it’s just 50 people sitting in the dark eating corn"…
“Don’t look for crumbs when there’s a cake right in front of you”
The "Dear Abby" syndicated newspaper advice column by Abigail Van Buren (the pen name, written by Pauline Phillips and her daughter Jeanine Phillips) in February 1991 answered a letter…
“Don’t throw away cake to start looking for crumbs”
The "Dear Abby" syndicated newspaper advice column by Abigail Van Buren (the pen name, written by Pauline Phillips and her daughter Jeanine Phillips) in February 1991 answered a letter…
“Do deer like cheese?”/“Fawn do.”
"Fondue" sounds a bit like "fawn do," and there are jokes. "Most deer don't eat cheese for dinner, but fawn do" was posted on Twitter by Marty Flanagan on April…
“The difference between an alcoholic and a drunk is staggering”
The word "staggering" can be both an adjective (meaning "overhwleming" or "amazing") and a noun (the motion of someone who staggers). A pun was posted on Reddit --…
“If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly because communication is key”
"Communication is key" is a saying; it doesn't refer to an actual key that opens locks, but there are jokes. "If communication is the key...we are locked out" was posted on…
“The guy who fell off the ferris wheel is at the hospital. He’s in fair condition”
The word "fair" can be an adjective ("reasonable" or "adequate") and a noun (such as a county fair). "Confession: Whenever I read 'at the hospital in fair…
“I call bravo sierra” (“I call bullshit”)
"Bravo sierra" means, using the phonetic alphabet, the letters "B" and "S," and stands for the words "bull shit" (or "bullshit"). "I think…
Bravo Sierra (b.s., or bullshit)
"Bravo sierra" means, using the phonetic alphabet, the letters "B" and "S," and stands for the words "bull shit" (or "bullshit"). "I think…
“Don’t worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas…”
Many people are concerned about gaining "holiday pounds" over Thanksgiving and Christmas. "It’s not what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas that hurts but what you eat…
“A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else. The same with good manners”
American journalist and author Mignon McLaughlin (1913-1983) wrote in The Second Neurotic's Notebook (1966) and The Complete Neurotic's Notebook (1981): "A car is useless in New…
“Boss told me to leave my problems at the door when I come to work, so I asked him to stand outside”
"I got fired yesterday. My boss told me to leave my problems at the door when I come to work. So I told him to go stand outside..." was posted on Twitter by Study of Awesomology on June…
“I’ll sell my broken watch when the time is right”
"I’ll sell my broken watch when the time is right. http://bit.ly/WyrZaq via @sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on March 18, 2013. The joke originated on the Sickipedia…
“What may be done at any time will be done at no time”
"What may be done at any time will be done at no time" is an adage that has been printed on many images. "What my be done at any Time, will be done at no Time" was included in…
“Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did”
"Retirement kills more men/people/persons than hard work ever did" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many people don't stay active after retirement, don't have…
“Today, I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. Then she noticed me, so we went for a run”
A joke about going for a walk -- then a run -- was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 22, 2019: "Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. Then she noticed me so we went for a run."…
“A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One "Descartes before the horse" (the cart before the horse) pun combines two…
“Someone asked me what my occupation was. I said I was always pre-occupied”
There is a joke with the terms "occupation and "pre-occupied." "Unemployment is good now because i realized i can put 'pre-occupied' on any forms that ask for my…
“I took a demolitions class. The first day was a train wreck”
There are several jokes about "demolitions class." "Aquinas must have a demolitions class but they only produce one hit wonders" was posted on Twitter by fk on November 5, 2013.…