“Pretty rude that it’s not Friday, but ok”
"Pretty rude that it's not Friday, but ok" is a non-Friday saying that has been printed on many images. "Very rude that it's not Friday" was posted on Twitter by KiKi…
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“The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth”
Toddlers put many things in their mouths, then often run away quickly when a parent tries to take it out. "The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth"…
“I’ll have a café mocha vodka Valium latte to go, please”
"I'll have a café mocha vodka Valium latte to go, please" is a jocular order (combining various popular daily infusions) that has been printed on many images. “I’ll have a cafe…
“Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I’m not used to consuming wine in pill form”
"Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "'Someone offered me…
“You ever hit a pothole so hard you apologize to your car?”
Some people apologize to their car. "Ever drive through a huge pot hole and immediately apologize to your car... Sort've as a preventative measure to ensure no car backlash" was…
“I think I still have some unfinished procrastinating to do from yesterday”
"I think I still have some unfinished procrastinating to do from yesterday" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I think I still have some unfinished…
“Life could be worse. Milk could have pulp”
"Life could probably be worse. milk could have pulp. that's a pretty shitty thing we don't have to live with" was posted on Twitter by тαу (and others) on February 11, 2015.…
“Excuse me, how do I get to a hospital quickly?”/“Just stand in the middle of the road for a while.”
A hospital joke is: Stranger: "Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"Me: "Just stand in the middle of the road for a while." That is, the person standing in the…
“If by ‘crunches’ you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes I do crunches”
"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…
“If by ‘crunches’ you mean the sound bacon makes when you eat it, then yes, I do crunches”
"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…
“If by ‘crunches’ you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches”
"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…
“I love doing crunches. If by ‘doing crunches’ you mean ‘eating chips’”
"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…
“Noses are red, fingers are blue, I’m tired of winter. How about you?”
A winter version of the "Roses are red..." poem has been printed on many images: "Noses are red,Fingers are blue.I'm sick/tired of winter.How about you?" The first two…
“Noses are red, fingers are blue, I’m sick of winter. How about you?”
A winter version of the "Roses are red..." poem has been printed on many images: "Noses are red,Fingers are blue.I'm sick/tired of winter.How about you?" The first two…
“I am not going outside until the temperature is above my age”
"I'm not going outside until (the) temperature is above my age" is a winter saying that has been printed on many images. The older one gets, the hotter the temperature needed.…
“I’m not going outside until temperature is above my age”
"I'm not going outside until (the) temperature is above my age" is a winter saying that has been printed on many images. The older one gets, the hotter the temperature needed.…
“I’m not going outside until the temperature is above my age”
"I'm not going outside until (the) temperature is above my age" is a winter saying that has been printed on many images. The older one gets, the hotter the temperature needed.…
“Our maintenance guy lost his legs on the job. Now he’s just a handyman”
A "handyman" usually has legs as well as hands, but this joke was posted on Twitter by PunTato on October 3, 2015: "Our maintenance guy lost his leg while he was on a job... now he`s…
“My idea of a super bowl is a large bowl of guacamole”
The Super Bowl is a football game, but many people think a super bowl is a bowl of food. "My idea of a "super bowl" is a bowl of GRUB.. preferably turkey. And lots of it!" was…
“I wish I could be the person I thought I could be when I bought all this produce”
Some people buy healthy foods, but then don't like to eat them. "I wish I could be the person I thought I could be when I bought all this produce" is a jocular food saying that has…