“The older you get, the uglier you’re willing to go out in public”
"The older you get, the uglier you're willing to go out in public" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "The older you get, the uglier you’re willing to…
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“The closest I get to a spa day is when the steam from the dishwasher smacks me in the face”
"The closest I get to a spa day is when the steam from the dishwasher smacks me in the face" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "So looks like the closest…
“If your personal choices have a victim, it is no longer a personal choice”
"If your personal choices have a victim, it is no longer a personal choice" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. "If your personal choices have a victim, it is no…
“Where does toilet paper come from?”/“Toiletries.”
"Toiletry" is not "toilet tree" and "lavatory" is not "lavatree," but there are jokes. "Clara: 'where does toilet paper come from?' Me:…
“What do you call a farm that sells chickens and pigs?”/“A chicken bacon ranch.”
"Chicken-Bacon-Ranch (dressing)" is a food combination that has been sold in Hot Pockets, Hunt Brothers pizza, Meijer pizza, Sam's Choice pizza, Stouffer's, Velveeta and other…
“Went to the bathroom earlier and took a poo. Not sure whose it was, but it’s mine now”
When someone goes to the bathroom to "take a dump," there is no actual "taking" -- except in jokes. "Went to the bathroom earlier and took a poo....not sure whose it was,…
“Two flies are playing football in a saucer. One says, ‘Play better. Tomorrow, we’re in the cup!’”
Soccer ("football" in the UK) has its World Cup tournament. "Two flies were playing a game of football on a saucer., One called across to the other: George, he said. we'll have…
“Where do toilets come from?”/“They grow on toiletries.”
"Toiletry" is not "toilet tree" and "lavatory" is not "lavatree," but there are jokes. "Clara: 'where does toilet paper come from?' Me:…
“What do baby mathematicians drink?”/“Formula.”
A math riddle was posted on Twitter by Chad Topaz on October 6, 2020: Q: What do baby mathematicians drink?A: Formula. “What do you feed a baby parabola?"/"Quadratic formula" is an…
“Where do toilets come from?”/“They grow on lavatrees.”
"Toiletry" is not "toilet tree" and "lavatory" is not "lavatree," but there are jokes. "Clara: 'where does toilet paper come from?' Me:…
“Just call me the little engine that said, ‘OK, but I need some coffee first’”
"Just call me the little engine that said, 'OK, but I need some coffee first'" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many images. The Little Engine That Could is an…
“I was feeding cannabis-laced brownies to the seabirds. No tern was left unstoned”
"No stone left unturned" is a popular idiom. "No tern left unstoned" is a spoonerism. "The professional punster leaves no phrase unturned as in the case of him who said of…
“Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?” (joke)
The expression "in the long run" means "over a long period of time" and does not usually refer to long runs, but there are jokes. A marathoner riddle is: Q: Why does someone who…
“What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?”/“College.”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many colleges to switch to remote learning. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 7, 2020: Q: What is the most expensive video-streaming…
“Why did the one-handed man cross the road?”/“He wanted to go to a second hand store.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A one-handed man version is: Q: Why did the one-handed man cross the…
“Is it OK that I start drinking as soon as the kids go to school? Or am I just a bad teacher?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to homeschool their children. "Is it OK that I start drinking as soon as the kids go to school? Or does that make me a bad teacher?"…
“He went on a cheese diet in order to cheddar few pounds”
"Cheddar" sounds a bit like "shed a." "He went on a cheese diet in order to cheddar few pounds. (Pun of the Day)" was posted on the newsgroup alt.callahans on July 27,…
“When should you go on a cheese diet?”/“When you need to cheddar a few pounds.”
"Cheddar" sounds a bit like "shed a." "He went on a cheese diet in order to cheddar few pounds. (Pun of the Day)" was posted on the newsgroup alt.callahans on July 27,…
“Humans are the only animal to drink the milk of another species”
Humans are the only animal to drink the milk of another species, and also the only animal to drink milk past infancy" is a saying that has been printed on many images. TwitterSteve…
“We live in a society where the free thinking, open-minded people are called crazy…”
"We live in a society where the free thinking, open-minded people are called crazy and the ignorant, closed-minded people are 'normal'" is a saying that has been printed on many…