“Did you get a haircut?”/“No, I got them all cut.”
Getting a haircut does not mean getting a single hair cut, but the popular dad joke exchange is: WIFE: Did you get a haircut?HUSBAND: No, I got them all cut. Versions of the joke have been cited in…
“Did you hear about the carpenter who drank on the job? He got hammered”
"I used to go out with a carpenter. He got hammered every night" is a drinking pun that was posted on Twitter by TrishB on November 15, 2010. "Did you hear about the carpenter who…
“Did you hear about the funeral home that closed? Apparently business was dead”
The expression "business is dead" is usually not taken literally, but there are some jokes. "I have a friend who just got a job as an attendant at a funeral home...he informed me…
“Did you hear about the wig shop that got robbed? They’re looking into replacing all the locks”
"My wig shop got broken into last night. I've had to replace all the locks" was posted on Twitter by MR SUPERPIDGE on January 28, 2014. The joke is that "locks" can also…
“Did you know all fishermen are Marxists? Because the sea’s the means of production”
"Seize the means of production" is a Marxist saying. "Sea's the means of production" might be a Marxist fisherman's saying. "Socialism for fishermen: seas the…
“Dietary Fact: If you drink a gallon of water a day, you won’t have time to be in anyone’s business because you’ll be too busy peeing. Stay hydrated”
"Drinking a large amount of water everyday helps you avoid other people's drama because you're too busy peeing. Stay hydrated" is a jocual saying that has been printed on many…
“Difficult difficult lemon difficult” (opposite of “easy peasy lemon squeezy”)
“Easy peasy lemon squeezy” is a way of saying that something is easy. "Difficult difficult lemon difficult" (or "When you thought everything would be easy peasy lemon squeezy,…
“Digging tunnels is a boring job”
A pun on "boring job" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on September 23, 2000: "If you operate a drill press, you have a boring job. (Pun of the Day)" "Digging…
“Disability is not inability” (“Disability does not mean inability”)
"Disability is not inability" (or "disability does not mean inability") is a popular saying about people with disabilities. "Disability does not mean inability" was…
“Discipline is doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, when we don’t want to do it”
"Discipline is doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, when we don't want to do it" is a printed saying that became popular in 2012. The origin is uncertain.…
“Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most”
"Discipline is (just) choosing between what you want now and what you want most" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "'Discipline is choosing…
“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment”
"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment(s)" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Discipline is the bridge between thoughts and accomplishments"…
“Distrust every enterprise that requires new clothes”
"Distrust every enterprise that requires new clothes" is a paraphrase of what American author Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) wrote in Walden: or Life in the Woods (1854): "I say,…
“Do dragons enjoy playing offices and accountants?”
Dungeons and Dragons is a fantasy tabletop role-playing game. Offices & Bosses is another role-playing game. "If we play D&D...do Dragons play 'Offices & Humans' in their…
“Do I look like a freakin’ people person?”
"Do I look like a (freaking/fucking) people person?" is a jocular statement that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, bumper stickers and posters. The saying is popular…
“Do it today or regret it tomorrow”
"Do it today or regret it tomorrow" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today" is the old proverb that is…
“Do it tomorrow. You’ve made enough mistakes for today”
"Do it tomorrow. You've made enough mistakes (for) today" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Mrs. Harper Richards is bemused by the motto: 'Do it tomorrow…
“Do it tomorrow. You’ve made enough mistakes today”
"Do it tomorrow. You've made enough mistakes (for) today" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Mrs. Harper Richards is bemused by the motto: 'Do it tomorrow…
“Do leprechauns make good secretaries?”/“Sure, they’re great at shorthand!”
A leprechaun joke is: Q: Do leprechauns make good secretaries?A: Sure, they're great at shorthand! The "shorthand" pun has been cited in print since at least 2001. Kidsjokes.co.uk…
“Do locksmiths count as key workers?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in classifications of some people as "essential workers" (in the US) or "key workers" (in the UK). "LOCKSMITHS. Take advantage…