“What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired? “/“Oh, snap.”
"Oh snap!" means the same as "Oh, shit!" or "Oh, no!" It usually doesn't involve snapping, but there's a joke: "Q: What did the worker at the rubber…
“What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?”/“Depreciation.”
An accountant riddle is: Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?A: Depreciation. The joke was posted on the newsgroup uw.acct.acc131 on November 24, 1997. Google Groups:…
“What do they call employee of the month at the crematorium?”/“Top urner.”
"Earner" shouldn't be confused with "urner," but there are jokes. "Q: What's the name of the yearly prize given out to the world's most successful…
“What do whores and Walmart have in common?” (NSFW joke)
Walmart stores are often open 24 hours a day. "Sluts are like Walmart.Everybody makes fun of them,but at 4am when ur inside of 1,ur like 'I'm kinda glad these are around'(Joke…
“What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?”/“Branch Manager.”
There are several versions of the "branch manager" riddle. This was from 1982: Q: What do you call a man in a tree wearing a three-piece suit? A: A branch manager. This is from 1989: Q:…
“What do you call a calculator that works instantly?”/“Calcunow.”
"Calculator" is not "calcu-later," but some people have joked that they want a "calcunow." "A CalcuNow instead of a CalcuLater then?" was posted on Twitter…
“What do you call a cheap vampire?”/“Discount Dracula.”
Count Dracula (the title character of Bram Stoker's 1897 gothic horror novel Dracula) has nothing to do with discounts, but there are jokes. "The cheapest vampire? Dis-Count Dracula"…
“What do you call a coupon-using vampire?”/“Discount.”
Count Dracula (the title character of Bram Stoker's 1897 gothic horror novel Dracula) has nothing to do with discounts, but there are jokes. "The cheapest vampire? Dis-Count Dracula"…
“What do you call a dental X-ray?”/“A tooth-pic.”
A dentist riddle is: Q: What do you call a dental X-ray?A: A tooth-pic. The "tooth-pic" ("tooth picture" and "toothpick") joke was posted on Twitter by ChaissonLemoine…
“What do you call a doctor who is on call 24/7?”/“An oncologist.”
An "oncologist" is someone who treats cancer patients; the name sounds like "on-call-ogist." "Oncologist.................A Doctor who is always on call" was posted on…
“What do you call a fireman who lost his job?”/“A firedman.”
Is a fireman who lost his job a "firedman"? "I'm now a FireMan and hope not a fired man" was posted on Twitter on September 3, 2011. "Surely if a fireman gets sacked,…
“What do you call a ghost who runs his own business?”/“A hauntrepreneur.”
A "hauntrepreneur" (haunt + entrepreneur) is someone who makes a business creating scary things, such as a Halloween haunted house. "Hauntrepreneur" was cited in print in 1957,…
“What do you call a girl who works in a sunbed shop?”/“Tanya.”
The name "Tanya" sounds like "tan ya/you." A riddle has been cited in print since at least 2002: Q: What do you call the woman who operates your sun-bed?A: Tanya. "What do…
“What do you call a high-priced barber shop?”/“A clip joint.”
A barbershop riddle is: Q: What do you call a high-priced barber shop?A: A clip joint. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Many barber shops have used the "Clip Joint"…
“What do you call a housekeeper who is an anti-vaxxer?”/“Mrs. Doubtpfizer.”
"Mrs. Doubtpfizer" was posted on Twitter by Matt Sullivan on December 20, 2020. The name is a portmanteau of Mrs. Doubtfire (a 1993 American comedy-drama film) and Prfizer (an American…
“What do you call a laundromat for pigs?”/“Hogwash.”
A pig riddle is: Q: What do you call a laundromat for pigs?A: Hogwash. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2000. 2 April 2000, Toronto (ON) Star, "Funny Business" by Margot…
“What do you call a melancholy robot?”/“A sigh-borg.”
A robot riddle is: Q: What do you call a melancholy robot?A: A sigh-borg. "Sigh-borg" is a pun on cyborg."What do you call a melancholy robot? A sighborg" was posted on Twitter…
“What do you call a nightmare about paper?”/“A bad ream.”
A nightmare is a bad dream; a nightmare about paper might be "a bad ream." "Awful nightmare last night. I dreamt I'd dropped precisely 500 sheets of A4 paper everywhere. Just a…
“What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?”/“Retired.”
A retirement riddle has been printed on several images: Q: What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?A: Retired. The saying was posted on Twitter on September 20, 2014. TwitterRudeNCrude…
“What do you call a polite man who builds bridges?”/“A civil engineer.”
A "civil engineer" isn't necessarily polite, but there are jokes. "What do you call a really nice person who builds bridges? A civil engineer" was posted on twitter by…