“I worked in an office on a cul-de-sac. It was a dead end job”
A dead end street is sometimes called a cul-de-sac. There are several cul-de-sac jokes relating to a "dead end job." "I used to work in a cul-de-sac but it was dead end job..."…
“I would die for shopping. I’m a Walmartyr”
The portmanteau word "Walmartyr" or 'Wal-Martyr" (Walmart + martyr) has had more than one meaning. Walmart (or Wal-Mart) is a chain of retail stores. The Urban Dictionary…
“I would never survive camping. I’ve already eaten all the snacks I packed for the day…”
Some people brings snacks to work, but eat them all right away. This was posted on Twitter by Ron Iver on June 21, 2022 and received over 17,400 likes: "I would never survive camping.…
“I would rather choke on greatness than nibble on mediocrity”
"Someone once told me not to bite off more than I could chew. I said I would rather choke on greatness than nibble on mediocrity" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many…
“I wouldn’t be in the checkout line if I hadn’t found everything I was looking for. So why ask if I found everything I was looking for?”
When a customer reaches a store's checkout, the customer is often asked if they found everything they were looking for. If a customer didn't find something, the store usually provides…
“I write short fiction. They’re ‘to-do lists’”
For some people, a "to-do list" is a short list of things that they wish to do, but will not. "I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists" was posted on…
“I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass”
"I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass" is a jocular put-down that has been printed on many images. Authorship is…
“I’d like to think I’m only mean to people who deserve it. Like a vigilante bitch. A bitchilante”
"Bitchilante (n.) Being mean only to people who deserve it" is a jocular definition that has been printed on many images. "Bitchilante" is a portmanteau of the words…
“I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are” (poem)
"I'd rather be a Could Be, If I cannot be an Are" is a poem that Brooklyn-born author Robert W. Chambers (1865-1933) published in the book Iole (1905). The poem was reprinted in many…
“I’d rather be led to hell than managed to heaven”
"I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heaven" is a quotation of unknown authorship about the perils of over-managing employees. The quotation first appeared in Linux chat groups…
“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day”
"I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don't want to see you every day" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on the…
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I GAF about your opinion of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a damn about your opinion of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I’m a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear”
A popular paycheck joke is: "I'm a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear." "You're (magician Doug Henning -- ed.) good...but the government is faster at ,making a…
“I’m a nurse. I’m here to save your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a nurse. I'm here to save your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Google Books Title I'm a Nurse My Job Is to Save Your Ass Not Kiss…
“I’m actually pretty good with money, as long as I don’t go outside where all the stores are. or stay inside where my phone is”
Some people can't go outside because they see stores and they spend money. They also can't stay inside because they shop online. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by Jonathan Edward…
“I’m adding ‘showed up for work during the apocalypse’ to my résumé”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic sent many people home to quarantines, but many essential workers stayed on the job. "I'm adding 'showed up for/to work during the apocalypse'…
“I’m allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm”
"I'm allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on September 25, 2012.…
“I’m always being forced to do things I’m not qualified for…like being nice to others”
"The hardest part of my job is being nice to stupid people" and "I'm not qualified to be nice to stupid people" are jocular work sayings that have been printed on many…