“Not guilty, but return the horse” (Old West Justice)
The following joke is told under the title of "Old West Justice." A horse is stolen from a very unpopular man. The jury returns a verdict of "Not guilty, but return the horse."…
“Nothing strikes fear in a Texan like a Yankee with a U-Haul”
The saying "Nothing strikes fear in a Texans like a Yankee with a U-Haul" (that is, a Northerner who moves to the South) is cited in print from 1984-85, but probably dates to the 1970s.…
“Oh, we must be in Pasadena!”
The city of Pasadena (near Houston) has many petrochemical plants and has been nicknamed "Stinkadena" by many people. According to an internet joke list about Houston (that dates to at…
“On earth, as it is in Austin”
"On earth, as it is in Austin" has appeared on bumper stickers and T-shirts since the early 1990s. The prayer normally goes "on earth, as it is in Heaven." Other slogans have…
“On the 8th day God created Texas”
"On the 8th day God created Texas" has been a T-shirt design since at least the early 1990s. BiggerInTexas.comBiggerInTexas.com > Designs > On the 8th Day God Created Texas Texas…
“On this site in 1897, nothing happened”
There are plaques and historical markers on many old places that explain the historical significance, but a parody of this is the sign: "On this site in 1897, nothing happened." It is not…
“Once you are in Texas it seems to take forever to get out, and some people never make it”
John Steinbeck traveled across America in 1960 with his dog Charley; he wrote about it in his book, Travels with Charley: In Search of America (1962). Steinbeck didn't much care for Texas, but…
“Once you get rid of integrity, the rest is a piece of cake” (J.R. on Dallas tv series)
"Once you get rid of integrity, the rest is a piece of cake" was Larry Hagman's favorite line on the long-running television series Dallas. He played mean old J. R. Ewing. Wikipedia:…
“One great thing about Texas heat: You can guarantee no one is waiting in your back seat”
"One great thing about Louisiana/Texas heat: You can guarantee no one is waiting in your back seat to kill you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is,…
“One is scared and the other is glad of it”
"One's scared and the other is glad of it" is said of a schoolyard fight or of a boxing match, where one side doesn't want to fight and the other side is relieved. The saying is…
“One Riot—One Ranger” (Texas Rangers)
The Texas Rangers are a tough breed. They were often outnumbered, and the "one riot -- one Ranger" statement is possibly true. Texas Department of Public Safety -- Texas RangersOne Riot,…
“One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor!”
A popular T-shirt ode to drinking tequila is: "One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, FLOOR!" The saying dates to 1995. The tequila saying is taken from the simple counting game:…
“Only a buzzard feeds on its friends”
"Only a buzzard feeds on his/its friends" has been on a popular Internet list of sayings titled "A Cowboy's Guide to Life." Texas Bix Bender has used "Only a buzzard…
“Only a fool argues with a skunk, a mule, or a cook”
"Only a fool argues with a skunk, a mule, or a cook" is a popular bit of cowboy wisdom. The origin of the phrase is unclear. Harry Oliver's Desert Rat Scrap BookOnly a fool argues…
“Only angry people win football games”
University of Texas head football coach Darrell Royal (1924-2012) was quoted in August 1966: "Trends are bunk. Only angry people win football games." Royal was talking about football…
“Only newcomers and fools predict the weather in Texas”
The old Texas weather saying (dating from at least the early 1900s) is: "Only newcomers and fools predict the weather in Texas." It's alleged that a newcomer once responded that…
“Onward Thru the Fog” or “Onward Through the Fog” (Oat Willie’s of Austin)
Oat Willie's is a headshop at West 29th Street and Guadalupe that was operated by Norman "Doug" Brown in 1968. The name "Oat Willie" is from an Austin-based comic…
“Other states were carved or born, Texas grew from hide and horn” (Berta Hart Nance)
"Other states were carved or born, Texas grew from hide and horn" is the beginning of Berta Hart Nance's poem "Cattle" (1932). Handbook of Texas OnlineNANCE, BERTA HART…
“Peace, Love and Crabs” (Joe’s Crab Shack)
Joe's Crab Shack began in Houston in the 1990s, but now Joe's has well over 100 locations across the United States. "Peace, Love and Crabs" is its t-shirt slogan, since 1991.…
“People never tell you when it’s their first rodeo, but are eager to inform you when it’s not”
“This ain’t my first rodeo” (or "This is not my first rodeo") is a popular saying. The saying almost always uses the negative in discussing a first rodeo. This was posted on Reddit…