"I've decided to add 'extensive experience in dealing with stupid people' to my resume. That has got to be a marketable skill" is a saying that has been printed on many…
Wendy's fast food restaurants serve square hamburgers. This was posted on X/Twitter by Dead Pan Nick on December 5, 2013, and received over 6,900 likes: "I have always been suspicious of…
A joke about Kool-Aid (or another fruit-flavored powdered drink mix) is: " I have an addiction to snorting Kool-Aid (powdered drink mix). Anybody got a punch line?" "I'm so…
Jokes about the game of tag are very "touch and go." "I'm proud to say that I have finally beaten my addiction to playing Tag, but it was touch and go there for a while"…
"I have an eating disorder; I’m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets" is a jocular line that has been printed on several ecards. "o noes…
Many people who go to the gym to work out have a personal trainer. Are there impersonal trainers? "I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone and…
"I have an inferiority complex, but it's (just) not a very good one" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I have an inferiority complex, but it is not a…
"I have an open door policy. You bring beer, I'll open the door" is a saying, with many variations, that has been printed on many images "Open Door Policy. Show up with Wine,…
X/Twitter olivia @oliviuuuuhh have clicked ‘remind me tomorrow’ every day for 8 years on computer update notification cause it’s part of my nighttime routine now 9:13 PM · Sep 12, 2022 ,a…
An Apple Watch is not the same as watching apples, but there are jokes. "The only 'Apple watch' I'll be doing this autumn is at an orchard #amirite" was posted on Twitter…
The Fox News Channel doesn't usually have news about foxes, but there are jokes. "I have been watching Fox News for six hours and there has been no news about foxes.…
"I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero" is a saying credited to American stand-up comedian George Carlin…
Some people would rather fake it than exercise. This was posted on Twitter by MomofTeen on April 19, 2018: "I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop."…
"I have discovered the dark matter that holds life together... it's called coffee" is a saying that has been printed on many images. A picture of German-born theoretical physicist…
"I've done some terrible things for money, like getting up early and going to work" (or "I have done terrible things for money, like getting up early to go to work") is a…
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Jackie MasonJackie Mason (born June 9, 1931) is an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor. He is ranked #63 on Comedy Central's 100…
"I think I’m approaching my 'Best If Used By' date" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A "Best If Used By" date usually applies to foods, not…
Some people don't have peer pressure to do drugs, but have pressure to eat certain "healthy" foods. This was posted on X/Twitter by Kei Lun 麒麟 on May 8, 2021, and received over…
"I have found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I have found the key to keeping a positive attitude.…
People who have furniture that goes back to the era of Louis XIV (1638-1715) like to brag about it, and there's a popular joke. "I have furniture that goes back to Louis the 14th... that…