“I have 2 milestones at work: 1. Lunch 2. Leaving”
"I have two milestones at work: 1. Lunch 2. Leaving" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Obviously, not everyone enjoys work. "I have two milestones at work:1.…
“I have a bumper sticker that says ‘Honk if you think I’m sexy’...” (joke)
"Honk if you think I'm sexy" bumper stickers have been cited in print since at least 1997. "I have a bumper sticker that says 'Honk if you think I'm sexy.' Then…
“I have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable”
A lawn joke is: "I have a chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable. English writer and comedian Tim Vine told the joke in 2012. . Wikipedia: Tim Vine Timothy Mark "Tim" Vine (born 4…
“I have a condition that makes me eat when I can’t sleep. It’s called insom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nia”
A joke combining "insomnia" and "nom nom nom" has been printed on several images: "I have a condition that makes me eat when I can't sleep. It's called…
“I have a condition that prevents me from staying home or wearing a mask. It’s called freedom”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in home quarantines and requirements to wear face masks. "I have a Condition that prevents me from wearing a Mask. It's called FREEDOM"…
“I have a condition that prevents me from wearing a mask. It’s called freedom”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in home quarantines and requirements to wear face masks. "I have a Condition that prevents me from wearing a Mask. It's called FREEDOM"…
“I have a condition which prevents me from going on a diet…it’s called hunger”
"I have a condition which prevents me from going on a diet…it’s called hunger" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "I have this condition which prevents me from…
“I have a disease called it’s nice out so I’m drinking”
Many people stay inside their homes -- and start drinking -- when the weather is bad. This was posted on Twitter by fibs on March 17, 2021, and went viral (over 160,000 likes): "I have a…
“I have a drinking problem. I ran out of alcohol”
I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink" was written by American singer and songwriter Tom Waits in the song "Bad Liver and a Broken Heart"…
“I have a drinking problem. I ran out of beer”
I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink" was written by American singer and songwriter Tom Waits in the song "Bad Liver and a Broken Heart"…
“I have a drinking problem. I ran out of vodka”
I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink" was written by American singer and songwriter Tom Waits in the song "Bad Liver and a Broken Heart"…
“I have a drinking problem. I ran out of wine”
I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink" was written by American singer and songwriter Tom Waits in the song "Bad Liver and a Broken Heart"…
“I have a drinking problem. I’m out of drinks”
I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink" was written by American singer and songwriter Tom Waits in the song "Bad Liver and a Broken Heart"…
“I have a drinking problem. I’m out of money”
I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink" was written by American singer and songwriter Tom Waits in the song "Bad Liver and a Broken Heart"…
“I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it”
A pun about speed bumps has made many images: "I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it." "I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm getting over…
“I have a feeling that my ‘check liver’ light’ may come on this weekend”
Cars have a "check engine" light. People do not have a "check liver" light to see if it can handle more alcohol, but there are jokes. "Check liver light" has been…
“I have a five year plan to become more spontaneous”
Many people make plans to be more spontaneous, but do they make long term plans? "I have a five year plan to become more spontaneous" was posted on Twitter by Daveastated on August 27,…
“I have a friend who’s half Indian. Ian”
"I have a friend who's half Indian. Ian" was posted on Twitter by Ben Ames on June 20, 2011. “@sickipediabot: I have a friend who's half Indian. Ian” was posted on Twitter…
“I have a hard time finishing what I sta—”
Some people have a hard time finishing what they start. "Sometimes I have a hard time finishing what I sta" was posted on Twitter by OnWave on July 25, 2010. "I HAVE A HARD TIME…
“I have a horse named Mayo. Mayo neighs”
"Mayonnaise" sounds like "mayo neighs." A group of singers were called the "Mayo-Neighs" according to a 1968 newspaper. A horse was named "May O'Neighs"…