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March 9, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I don’t know if Twitter has ever caused the lame to walk, but it has caused the dumb to speak”

"The people were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled made well, the lame walking and the blind seeing. And they praised the God of Israel" is from Matthew 15:31.There are…

February 21, 2025
Food/Drink

“I don’t know much, but I do know it’s really hard to feel bad when you’re eating dumplings”

Many people love to eat dumplings. "We might be a little biased, but we're pretty sure life is just better when you're eating dumplings!" was posted on X/Twitter by 168 Asian…

October 15, 2022
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I don’t know the secret of happiness, but I’ve never been sad at an Italian restaurant”

"I don't know the secret to happiness, but I've never been sad at a Mexican restaurant" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "I don’t necessarily know the…

January 4, 2025
Pets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“I don’t know what my spirit animal is, but I’m pretty sure it has a cone around its neck”

"'I don’t know what my spirit animal is, but I’m pretty sure it has a cone around its neck.' -- @Sheila_Mac420 (via @SelenaMaranjian)" was posted on Facebook by Mark…

March 2, 2026
Food/DrinkWork/Businesses

“I don’t know whose manager needs to hear this, but pizza is not a bonus”

Many managers see employees working hard and reward them with pizza. The employees, however, really want bonuses. A pizza meme was posted on Facebook by Drew Kamin on October 15, 2019. "When…

September 19, 2022
Education/Schools

“I don’t like math puns. But I will make one if I half two”

"Half" is sometimes confused with "have." A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on August 20, 2022: "I don’t like math puns. But I will make one if I half two."…

August 14, 2018
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I don’t like stairlifts. They drive me up the wall”

Do stairlifts drive people up a wall (an expression meaning "crazy")? "I don't think I would ever purchase a stairlift. They would drive me up the wall" was posted on…

March 10, 2020
Workers/People

“I don’t like to brag, but I’ve been avoiding people since way before the coronavirus”

The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused many people to stay at home and to avoid being with other people. Antisocial people felt vindicated. A joke was posted on Twitter by Snarky Mommy on March…

November 19, 2021
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t like to toot my own horn, which is why I steal other people’s trumpets”

"Toot one's own horn" (to promote one's self) is an idiomatic expression. It has little to do with actually playing horns, but there are jokes. "I don't like to toot…

April 25, 2017
Food/Drink

“I don’t like whiny and cheesy people, but I do like wine and cheese people”

"I don’t like whiny and cheesy people, but I do like wine and cheese people" is a jocular one-line wine-and-cheese saying that has been printed on several images. The saying has been…

June 2, 2024
Work/Businesses

“I don’t make mistakes. I make spicy decisions”

"I don’t make mistakes. I make spicy decisions" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I don’t make mistakes, only spicy decisions" was posted on X/Twitter by…

October 15, 2022
Food/Drink

“I don’t necessarily know the secret to happiness, but I do know Jesus and Mexican food…”

"I don't know the secret to happiness, but I've never been sad at a Mexican restaurant" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "I don’t necessarily know the…

May 4, 2025
Food/DrinkWork/Businesses

“I don’t need a morning person to motivate me; I just need coffee”

"I don’t need a morning person to motivate me; I just need coffee" was posted on Facebook by Amar Amin on November 6, 2024. Authorship of the coffee saying is unknown. Facebook Amar…

July 18, 2017
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I don’t need a stable relationship. All I need is a stable internet connection”

"I don’t need a stable relationship. All I need is a stable internet connection" is an internet saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on October…

December 24, 2025
Banking/Finance/InsuranceHolidays/Events/ParadesWork/Businesses

“I don’t need the Grinch to steal Christmas, the cost of living already did that”

"I don’t need the Grinch to steal Christmas, the cost of living already did (that)" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (a…

June 24, 2025
Food/Drink

“I don’t rise and shine; I brew and sip”

"I don’t rise and shine; I brew and sip" is a coffee saying of unknown authorship. THe saying was posted on Facebook by Humza Miller on October 3, 2024. The saying means that some…

September 6, 2022
Food/Drink

“I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope for the best”

"I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope for the best" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "No, I don't really 'rise and shine.' Most…

April 28, 2020
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I don’t think I’ve ever cleaned my bathroom mirror, which reflects badly on me”

Something that "reflects badly" on someone is usually not meant literally, but there are jokes. "I need to look at cleaning my bathroom mirror its really dirty. It reflects badly on…

June 4, 2020
Work/Businesses

“I don’t think the Renaissance Festival should be closed, because having a real plague there…”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic cancelled many entertainments. "I don’t think the Renaissance Festival should be closed, because having a real life plague there will add to the…

June 19, 2024
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they got a WHOLE outside!!”

"I don't understand why bugs come inside when they got the WHOLE OUTSIDE" is a saying that has been printed on many images "Bugs Have so much outside, why they so pressed to…

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About the Website and Editor

BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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