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July 14, 2017
Work/Businesses

“I don’t understand why record stores are failing. They have record sales every year”

How can a business with record sales ever fail? A joke was posted on Twitter by SEC Fort Worth‏ on January 2, 2017: "We don’t understand why record stores failed. They had record sales…

August 14, 2020
Transportation

“I don’t use my blinkers because it’s nobody’s business where I’m going”

Entry in progress -- B.P. Comedy Defensive DrivingWhat’s Your Signal??All too often I see drivers not using a signal before they turn or change lanes. I don’t care if you cut me off, as long as…

August 14, 2020
Transportation

“I don’t use my turn signals because it’s nobody’s business where I’m going”

Entry in progress -- B.P. Comedy Defensive DrivingWhat’s Your Signal??All too often I see drivers not using a signal before they turn or change lanes. I don’t care if you cut me off, as long as…

April 20, 2021
Work/Businesses

“I don’t usually brag about going to expensive places, but I just left the gas station”

There are several jokes about high gas prices. "I don't like to brag about going to expensive places, but I just went to the gas station" was posted on Twitter by IG on May 6, 2016.…

March 13, 2020
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t usually brag about my drum jokes, but um…tss”

"But um..." sounds like the sting of a drummer ("ba dum tiss"). A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 13, 2020: "I don't usually brag about my drum jokes,…

February 26, 2022
Transportation

“I don’t usually talk about my expensive trips, but I just got back from the gas station”

There is a joke about inflation of grocery prices and gas prices. "I don't usually talk about my expensive trips, but I just got back from the grocery store..........." was posted on…

February 27, 2022
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I don’t usually talk about my expensive trips, but I just got back from the grocery store”

There is a joke about inflation of grocery prices and gas prices. "I don't usually talk about my expensive trips, but I just got back from the grocery store..........." was posted on…

May 19, 2025
Time/WeatherWork/Businesses

“I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life”

For many people, the weekend off work goes by too quickly. It's soon Monday again, and another work week cycle. "I don't wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting…

March 8, 2024
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food StoresWork/Businesses

“I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999. I wanna go grocery shopping like it’s 1999”

"I don't wanna party like it's 1999. i wanna grocery shop like it's 1999" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Party like it's 1999" is a line…

March 8, 2024
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food StoresWork/Businesses

“I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999. I wanna grocery shop like it’s 1999”

"I don't wanna party like it's 1999. i wanna grocery shop like it's 1999" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Party like it's 1999" is a line…

March 10, 2024
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I don’t want any more help from the government. I can’t afford it”

When government "helps" with "free stuff," it often comes with a price, such as higher taxes. Not everyone wants the "help." "I don’t want any more help from…

June 7, 2025
Food/Drink

“I don’t want fries. I want YOUR fries”

Some people on dinner dates always take the other person's french fries. "i don’t want fries. i want YOUR fries" was posted on X/Twitter by erica on March 11, 2024, and this…

January 31, 2016
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work”

New York-born comedian, actor and film director Woody Allen has achieved immortality through his work, but he said that he didn't want that: "I don't want to achieve immortality…

May 19, 2025
Time/WeatherWork/Businesses

“I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life”

For many people, the weekend off work goes by too quickly. It's soon Monday again, and another work week cycle. "I don't wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting…

September 11, 2020
Food/Drink

“I don’t want to eat anything that has a mother”

"I don't want to eat anything that has a mother" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. “'I don’t eat anything that had a mother,' is the way Jacobs…

September 27, 2025
Work/Businesses

“I don’t want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch”

"I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many people would rather relax at home than go to work. The saying was…

March 8, 2024
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food StoresWork/Businesses

“I don’t want to party like it’s 1999. I want to grocery shop like it’s 1999”

"I don't wanna party like it's 1999. i wanna grocery shop like it's 1999" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Party like it's 1999" is a line…

May 7, 2017
Sports/Games

“I don’t want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it”

Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterSteve's Quotes Today‏ @todayquotes"I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it."Rogers Hornsbywb 121…

January 27, 2025
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I don’t want to startle anyone, but Becky on Facebook cannot believe how fast the weekend flew by”

"I don't want to startle anyone, but Becky on Facebook cannot believe how fast the weekend flew by" was posted on X/Twitter by Tony P. on November 18, 2013. "I cannot believe…

August 25, 2018
Work/Businesses

“I don’t want to. I don’t have to. You can’t make me. I’m retired”

"I don't want to. I don't have to. You can't make me. I'm retired" is a jocular retirement saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been printed on…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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