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August 28, 2026
Transportation

“I brake for poltergeists so they don’t do weird stuff with my kitchen chairs” (bumper sticker)

"I brake for ghosts" is a jocular bumper sticker saying that has been printed on many images. The driver can really see ghosts? The bumper sticker is popular around Halloween. "A…

April 27, 2025
Food/DrinkTransportation

“I break for coffee” (bumper sticker)

"I break for coffee" is a jocular bumper sticker saying that has been printed on many images. It's a joke on the "coffee break." "WARNING! I BREAK FOR COFFEE"…

November 15, 2013
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I broke up with my gym. We were not working out”

"I broke up with my gym; we were just not working out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on T-shirts. "I broke up with my Gym, we were not working out" was cited on…

November 15, 2020
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I brought a home pregnancy kit. Turns out my house is pregnant”

A "home pregnancy test" is a pregnancy test done at home. It is not a test to see if a home is pregnant, but there are jokes. "I see home pregnancy tests advertised, but I've…

July 21, 2016
Work/Businesses

“I build yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof”

"Sales/Profits are going through the roof” is an expression meaning that a business is generating a lot of money. One pun on "sales"/"sails" is: "I started a…

February 26, 2026
Buildings/Housing/ParksExercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I burn about 2000 calories every time I put on fitted sheets by myself”

"I burn about 2000 calories every time I put on fitted sheets by myself" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Putting a itted sheet on a bed can be a challenge.…

January 7, 2017
Food/Drink

“I burnt my Hawaiian pizza. I should’ve put it on aloha setting”

A popular Hawaiian pizza pun is: "I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night... I should've put it on aloha setting." That is, "a lower" oven temperature setting. "I just…

May 30, 2021
Food/Drink

“I buy fresh vegetables every day. I feed them to my pig and he converts them into bacon”

"I buy/pick fresh vegetables every day. I feed them to my pig and he converts them into bacon" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "HEALTHY EATING #36 I BUY…

April 7, 2021
Food/Drink

“I buy store brand Spanish rice, not name brands. As they say, ‘Arroz by any other name…’”

"Arroz" (the Spanish word for "rice") can sound like "a "rose." "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" is a famous line from William…

November 25, 2019
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I call bravo sierra” (“I call bullshit”)

"Bravo sierra" means, using the phonetic alphabet, the letters "B" and "S," and stands for the words "bull shit" (or "bullshit"). "I think…

January 27, 2026
Food/Drink

“I call it coffee, but the truth is, it’s a hot cup of fresh brewed tolerance. Now, bring on the nonsense”

A cup of coffee brings calmness and tolerance to many people. "I call it coffee, but the truth is, it's a hot cup of fresh brewed tolerance. Now, bring on the nonsense" (shown on an…

January 30, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I call myself terms and conditions because y’all keep ignoring me”

People often ignore reading terms and conditions. "RT @Abbyglasby: Being ignored so much I call myself Terms & Conditions" was posted on Twitter by سارة on October 3, 2012.…

November 4, 2022
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“I called my stockbroker today and asked him, ‘What are you buying?’ He said, ‘Canned goods’”

"Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying? He said, "Canned goods and ammunition'" is a saying that has been printed on several images. That is,…

January 30, 2019
Food/Drink

“I called my wife and told her that I’ll pick up Fish and Chips” (joke)

A joke about "picking up fish and chips" has the food item as proper names. "I phoned my wife. 'Do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?' I think she still…

June 26, 2020
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn…” (joke)

A group of crows is a "murder." "There was a murder on my front lawn this afternoon. Fortunately, it was just a lot of crows" was posted on Twitter by Glenn Peters on December…

December 25, 2014
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I called the restaurant and I asked them if they take orders…” (joke)

"I called the restaurant and I asked them if they take orders, when they said they do, I told them 'run outside naked!'" is a jocular line that has been popular on Twitter. The…

October 21, 2018
Work/Businesses

“I called the Tinnitus hotline earlier, but it just kept ringing”

Tinnitus is a disease that is ringing sound in one's ears. A pun was posted on Twitter by Graham Perry on October 25, 2009: "I called the tinnitus hotline but it just kept ringing."…

May 20, 2017
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I came from a tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant, I sat down and had broken leg of lamb”

"I came from a tough neighborhood," American stand-up comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) used to say. "In the local restaurant, I sat down and had broken leg of lamb."…

January 5, 2016
Neighborhoods

“I came from a tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars”

New York-born actor, film director and comedian Woody Allen said in his comedy act in the 1960s: "I was the sensitive kid, poet. There were tough kids in my class, there was a kid in my class…

August 15, 2022
Food/Drink

“I came here to drink and fuck and I’m almost done drinking”

"I came here to drink and fuck and I'm about/almost/also done drinking" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "just released 'I came here to drink and fuck and…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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