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November 5, 2021
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“When I do good I feel good and when I do bad I feel bad, and that’s my religion”

A quote about Abraham Lincoln's religion was recorded by William Henry Herndon (1818-1891), Lincoln's 20-year friend, law partner and biographer, in the book Herndon's Lincoln: The…

November 16, 2022
Food/Drink

“When I dunk my cookies in my milk, I think of you (and hold them under until the bubbles stop)”

"What if when you dunk a cookie in milk and see bubbles come up it's the cookie trying to breathe and really you just drowned a cookie and you're a murderer" is a saying that…

November 16, 2022
Food/Drink

“When I dunk my cookies, I pretend they are you and hold them under till the bubbles stop”

"What if when you dunk a cookie in milk and see bubbles come up it's the cookie trying to breathe and really you just drowned a cookie and you're a murderer" is a saying that…

November 16, 2022
Food/Drink

“When I dunk my cookies, I think of you and hold them under until the bubbles stop”

"What if when you dunk a cookie in milk and see bubbles come up it's the cookie trying to breathe and really you just drowned a cookie and you're a murderer" is a saying that…

April 1, 2024
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“When I eat at a restaurant, the waiter tips me”

"When [X] eats at a restaurant, the waiter/waitress tips him" is a joke said about several powerful people, including American martial artist and actor Chuck Norris and Dos Equis beer…

April 1, 2024
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“When I eat at a restaurant, the waitress tips me”

"When [X] eats at a restaurant, the waiter/waitress tips him" is a joke said about several powerful people, including American martial artist and actor Chuck Norris and Dos Equis beer…

January 31, 2023
Food/DrinkPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog, like I’m a blackjack dealer”

"When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog, like I'm a blackjack dealer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The dog is looking the some food.…

June 27, 2016
Food/Drink

“When I found out my microwave wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked”

A jocular one-liner about a microwave oven is: "When I found out my microwave wasn't waterproof, I was shocked." The "shocking" pun was cited on Twitter on May 21, 2012.…

January 6, 2021
Food/Drink

“When I found out my new toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked”

"When I found out my new toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on June 23, 2010. The joke probably originated on the…

February 13, 2023
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“When I get my tax money, I’m cooking my ramen noodles in Fiji water”

"When I get my tax money, I'm cooking my ramen noodles in Fiji water" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Ramen noodles are what a poor person eats, while Fiji…

February 13, 2023
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“When I get my taxes, I’m boiling my ramen noodles in Fiji water”

"When I get my tax money, I'm cooking my ramen noodles in Fiji water" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Ramen noodles are what a poor person eats, while Fiji…

October 15, 2022
Time/Weather

“When I get younger, I’m going to be a time traveller”

"When I get younger i'm going to be a Time Traveller :)" was posted on Twitter by Tony547uk (and others) on October 13, 2011. Authorship of the joke is uncertain. "When I get…

November 30, 2024
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors”

"When I go to someone's house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors" is a jocular saying that has been…

September 12, 2018
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner”

"When I grow up, I'd like to be a retired lottery winner" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "When I grow up I'd like to be a 'Retired…

January 10, 2025
Government/Law/Military/Religion /HealthWork/Businesses

“When I have to fill out a form asking who to call in case of an emergency, I always write an ambulance…”

Many forms ask who to call in case of an emergency. "Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'An…

June 13, 2017
Work/Businesses

“When I hear somebody sigh that ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’”

"When I hear somebody sigh that 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'" is a jocular line about life's troubles that has been printed on…

September 16, 2025
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water”

"When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask(s) for water" is a jocular saying that has been printed on man yimages. Many people play favorite songs over and over,…

September 16, 2025
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and asks for water”

"When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask(s) for water" is a jocular saying that has been printed on man yimages. Many people play favorite songs over and over,…

December 7, 2020
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a housewarming party and now I’m homeless”

A "housewarming party" no longer involves making a house warm, but there are jokes. "When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party. Now I'm…

December 18, 2024
Pets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“When I needed a hand I found your paw…that’s why you’re so precious to me”

"When I needed a hand, I found your paw" (or "When I needed a hand, I found a paw") is a pet saying that has been printed on many images. Photos of dogs and cats often accompany…

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About the Website and Editor

BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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