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August 6, 2012
Work/Businesses

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that an airplane takes off against wind”

"The Country Parson" comic strip, by Frank A. Clark, from September 6, 1955, said: "When everything seems to be goin' against you, remember that the airplane takes off against…

January 1, 2021
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“When exposing a crime is treated as committing a crime, you are being ruled by criminals”

"When exposing a crime is treated as committing a crime, you are being ruled by criminals" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "When exposing a…

September 16, 2020
Transportation

“When God gave out brains, I thought He said trains, and I missed mine”

"When God passed out brains, I thought He said trains -- and I missed mine..." is one of several lines explaining how someone because such a mess. The lines were printed in many 1942…

September 16, 2020
Food/Drink

“When God gave out chins, I thought He said gins, so I said I’ll have a double”

"When God passed out brains, I thought He said trains -- and I missed mine..." is one of several lines explaining how someone because such a mess. The lines were printed in many 1942…

September 16, 2020
Food/Drink

“When God gave out ears, I thought He said beers, so I took two big ones”

"When God passed out brains, I thought He said trains -- and I missed mine..." is one of several lines explaining how someone because such a mess. The lines were printed in many 1942…

September 16, 2020
Food/Drink

“When God gave out legs, I thought He said kegs, so I took two short fat ones”

"When God passed out brains, I thought He said trains -- and I missed mine..." is one of several lines explaining how someone because such a mess. The lines were printed in many 1942…

July 27, 2009
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“When Greek meets Greek, they open a restaurant”

"When Greek meets Greek, then comes the tug of war" refers to the wars of classical Greece; the saying dates to at least 1677. The Americanized version has had different endings.…

January 31, 2013
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns”

"When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns" is a popular anti-gun control message. Under gun control, honest people who follow laws won't have guns, but criminals who…

April 14, 2024
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“When Harry Potter lived under the stairs it was considered child abuse. But in New York it’s considered a $3800 studio apartment”

"When Harry Potter lived under the stairs it was considered child abuse. But in New York it's considered a $3800 studio apartment" -- also said about other places, and with other…

January 20, 2017
Food/Drink

“When has a man a right to scold his wife about his coffee?”/“When he has sufficient grounds.”

A coffee riddle has been cited in print since at least 1851: Q: When has a man a right to scold his wife about his coffee?A: When he has sufficient grounds. This was made into a lawyer joke by at…

June 13, 2015
Sports/Games

“When hell freezes over, I’ll play hockey there, too”

"When hell freezes over, I'll play hockey there, too" is a jocular saying that has been printed on posters and T-shirts. "Let hell freeze over...I'll play hockey there…

October 5, 2017
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“When homeless people ask me for change, I tell them ‘change comes from within’”

"When a bum comes up to you (...) Tell him, 'Change comes from within, man..'" was posted on the newsgroup alt.religion.wicca on December 24, 1999. "When a homeless guy…

December 6, 2017
Food/Drink

“When I accidentally bought the wrong type of bread, my day had gone a rye”

"A rye" is a frequent homophone for "awry." "My bread baking business has gone a rye" was posted on Twitter on August 9, 2011. A pun was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners…

December 13, 2020
Work/Businesses

“When I applied for shift work, I didn’t realize the ‘F’ was silent”

"Shift work" is sometimes called "shit work." "Shift Work... The 'f' Is Silent" was posted on Twitter by Gage Findlater on February 25, 2013. "When I…

February 4, 2018
Work/Businesses

“When I asked a taxidermist what she did for a living, she replied with ‘You know, stuff’”

When asked what one does, "stuff" is a non-specific answer, but suppose one really does "stuff" for a living? "'Oh, you know, 'stuff'' ~ a taxidermist,…

December 27, 2025
Work/Businesses

“When I be late to work, I walk in fake mad”

If you're late for work, don't walk in with a smile on your face. Look angry or mad, as if the traffic, or a delayed bus or train, or something else held you back from that wonderful work…

December 17, 2024
Food/Drink

“When I buy a pack of a dozen ribs, I only eat ribs 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11. I prefer prime ribs”

"Prime rib" has nothing to do with prime numbers, but there are jokes. "When I eat a rack of ribs I only eat ribs 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11. I prefer prime ribs" was posted on Reddit --…

April 5, 2012
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“When I die, bury me in Chicago because I want to remain politically active”

Political humorist Mort Sahl's website lists a popular joke of his (referring to voter fraud in the 1960 presidential election): "I've arranged with my executor to be buried in…

February 8, 2016
Sports/Games

“When I die, I want the Mets to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time”

"When I die, I want (X) to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time" is a popular meme on many images. That 'X" is often a sports player or sports team. "I…

February 8, 2016
Work/Businesses

“When I die, I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave” (joke)

"When I die, I want (X) to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time" is a popular meme on many images. That 'X" is often a sports player or sports team. "I…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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