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September 20, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“When I was a kid, there was no Internet. So people would walk miles to call me an asshole”

"When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a/an asshole/bastard/bitch/cunt" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The internet…

September 20, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk miles to call me a bastard”

"When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a/an asshole/bastard/bitch/cunt" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The internet…

September 20, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk miles to call me a bitch”

"When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a/an asshole/bastard/bitch/cunt" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The internet…

September 20, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk miles to call me a cunt”

"When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a/an asshole/bastard/bitch/cunt" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The internet…

October 24, 2018
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“When I was a single man, I had lots of free time. Then I started listening to whole albums”

A "single" man doesn't necessarily listen to single songs, but there are jokes. "When I was a single man, I had lots of free time. Then I started listening to whole albums, and…

February 5, 2018
Education/Schools

“When I was at school, people used to throw gold bars at me. I was the victim of bullion”

Some people at school are victims of bullying. English comedian Tim Vine has used this joke in his act since at least 2008: "When I was at school, people used to throw gold bars at me. I was…

February 6, 2018
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“When I was at school, people used to throw gold bars at me. I was the victim of bullion”

Some people at school are victims of bullying. English comedian Tim Vine has used this joke in his act since at least 2008: "When I was at school, people used to throw gold bars at me. I was…

April 1, 2018
Education/Schools

“When I was in school a policeman came in & did a talk on drugs. I didn’t understand a word he said”

People often are invited to schools to talk to children about drugs. Some people talk on drugs. "When I was at school, a policeman came in and did a talk on drugs. Couldn't understand a…

July 20, 2020
Food/Drink

“When I was in the army I killed more men than anybody. I was the cook”

"When I was in the army I killed more men than anybody. I was the cook" is a classic joke. ' "When I was in the army I killed four hundred men. I was the cook" was printed…

July 19, 2020
Time/Weather

“When I was older, I used to love playing around with time machines”

"When I was older, I used to love playing around with time machines" is a time travel joke that went viral on August 26, 2010. The joke was posted on Twitter this day by sickipediabot…

January 5, 2025
Food/Drink

“When I was young, I had everything handed to me on a plate. Soup was a nightmare”

The expression to "have life handed on a silver platter/plate" means to be given the best things, without having to work very hard. The expression is usually not taken literally, but…

May 9, 2021
Work/Businesses

“When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard, honest work, I’m no longer young”

"When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard, honest work, I'm happy to inform I'm no longer young" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…

October 10, 2025
Food/Drink

“When I was young, we were so poor we sometimes only had bits of old rope to eat. I would often skip lunch”

To "skip lunch" means to "miss" lunch, but a joke uses "skip" literally. "When I was young we were so poor we sometimes only had bits of old rope to eat. I would…

January 5, 2025
Food/Drink

“When I was younger, I had everything handed to me on a plate. Soup was a nightmare”

The expression to "have life handed on a silver platter/plate" means to be given the best things, without having to work very hard. The expression is usually not taken literally, but…

December 12, 2019
Radio/Television

“When I was your age, I had to walk through 10 feet of shag carpet to change the TV channel”

"When I was your age, I had to walk through 10 feet of shag carpet to change the TV channel" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. “I used to walk five miles to and…

March 1, 2024
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“When I’m at Chipotle, l always wait until after the employee puts the first scoop of chicken on my burrito…”

When someone at a food establishment orders one scoop of something, it's often a large scoop. However, when they order two scoops, they often get two smaller scoops. To prevent this, they…

June 17, 2021
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“When I’m at the store and getting something, I grab the one behind it…”

"When I'm at the store and getting something, I grab the one behind it because I think there's something wrong with the one in front" is a saying that has been printed on many…

July 6, 2017
Work/Businesses

“When I’m at work it’s sunny and nice, after work, cold and raining”

Sometimes it seems that good weather is wasted when one is working. "When I'm at work it's sunny and nice, after work, cold and raining" was posted on Twitter by FUNNY TWEETS on…

June 20, 2022
Transportation

“When I’m behind a slow car I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see…”

No one likes to be falsely accused of slowing up traffic. This was posted on Twitter by Dan Regan on January 13, 2022: "When I'm behind a slow car I steer my car a little to the right so…

September 9, 2024
Food/Drink

“When I’m hungry, nothing is funny and everyone’s ugly”

"When I'm hungry, nothing is funny and everyone's ugly" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There have been several slight variations. "when i’m hungry…

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About the Website and Editor

BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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