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October 16, 2021
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you like subpoena coladas, and getting caught in Ukraine”

Piña colada (a cocktail) has nothing to do with subpoenas, but there are lawyer jokes. "Am I a lawyer? Lemme see ... I failed my bar exam (added too much rum to the subpoena colada), so the…

June 29, 2025
Hotels

“If you like that hotel chain so much, why don’t you Marriott?”

"Marriott" hotels sounds like "marry it," and there are jokes. "If you love a certain hotel, why don't you marriott?" was posted on Facebook by Tariq Shah on July…

October 24, 2011
Work/Businesses

“If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right”

Apple Inc. founder Steve Jobs (1955-2011) delivered an emotional and personal commencement address at Stanford University in 2005: "When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like:…

March 4, 2016
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee”

"If you ever live in a community run by a committee, be on the committee" has been credited to American social scientist William Graham Sumner (1840-1910). It's uncertain when he…

October 21, 2008
Names/Phrases

“If you live in New York, you’re Jewish” (Lenny Bruce)

New York comedian Lenny Bruce (1925-1966) was known for his off-color material in the 1960s. In one routine, he explained what "Jewish" was, as opposed to "goyish" (not Jewish).…

July 21, 2017
Work/Businesses

“If you look down, you will fall. If you look up, you will fly”

"If you look down, you will fall. If you look up, you will fly" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on an image. The saying was posted on Twitter on January 25, 2012.…

July 22, 2019
Sports/Games

“If you look good, you play good” (sports adage)

"If you look good, you play good" is a sports saying that has been printed on many images. "If you look good, you feel good and you play good" was printed in The Evening Sun…

January 3, 2016
Transportation

“If you look like your passport photo, you need the trip”

"Passport pictures are notoriously unpleasant and unflattering," the New York (NY) Times published in September 1930. A popular line appeared in an Associated Press story in June 1954:…

April 29, 2021
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“If you lose a garden gnome, are you gnomeless?”

Many homes have garden gnomes. Homes that do not have them are "gnomeless." "It you lose a garden gnome are you gnomeless? #themoreyouknow" was posted on Twitter by The Knower…

April 29, 2019
Sports/Games

“If you lose, be patient. If you win, stay humble”

"If you lose, be patient. If you win, stay humble" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "If you win stay humble, if you lose, put your head down and…

June 29, 2025
Hotels

“If you love a hotel, why don’t you Marriott”

"Marriott" hotels sounds like "marry it," and there are jokes. "If you love a certain hotel, why don't you marriott?" was posted on Facebook by Tariq Shah on July…

March 26, 2025
Food/Drink

“If you love milk chocolate, but don’t like dark chocolate, you actually like sugar more than chocolate”

Entry in progress -- BP X/Twitter reddit bot @thejerrys_bot If you love milk chocolate, but don’t like dark chocolate, you actually like sugar more than chocolate. 9:35 PM · May 22, 2019

May 21, 2020
Food/Drink

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be”

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with" is a modern proverb. "If you love somebody, let them…

May 21, 2020
Food/Drink

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they come back with tacos, it was meant to be”

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with" is a modern proverb. "If you love somebody, let them…

June 29, 2025
Hotels

“If you love your hotel room so much, why don’t you just Marriott?”

"Marriott" hotels sounds like "marry it," and there are jokes. "If you love a certain hotel, why don't you marriott?" was posted on Facebook by Tariq Shah on July…

February 17, 2013
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you make 10,000 regulations you destroy all respect for the law”

"If you make 10,000 regulations you destroy all respect for the law" is a newly popular quotation that is credited to Winston Churchill (1874-1965). Churchill said the quotation before…

December 3, 2021
Food/Drink

“If you make a salad dressing but don’t like it, you have vineregret”

"Vinaigrette" dressing is a somewhat confusing word. It is not "vineregret" (vine regret) -- except in jokes. "No wonder this salad was terrible... I used vineregret…

December 8, 2021
Food/Drink

“If you make home fries whilst not at home, are they away fries?”

"Home fries" is a popular breakfast dish of fried potatoes, cut in chunks or wedges and usually served with onions. You can get "home fries" at restaurants (outside the home),…

December 12, 2011
Sports/Games

“If you miss the ball, don’t miss the leg” (soccer adage)

"If you missed the ball, don't miss the leg/man/bone" is a soccer adage popular in West African countries such as Ghana and Nigeria. The saying means that if you strike your leg out…

June 12, 2017
Food/Drink

“If you mix butter and flour, you’ll roux the day”

"Roux" (a mixture of flour and fat) has resulted in many "roux the day" (roux + rue the day) puns. "Roux the day" has been cited in print since at least 1989, when it…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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