“If you play Yahtzee on a boat, is it spelled Yachtzee?”
The dice game of Yahtzee has nothing to do with yachts, but there are jokes. "Yachtzee: What a child, or another person, may say when they see this type of boat" was posted on the…
“If you pretend I’m wearing a mask, I’ll pretend yours works”
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in some requirements to wear face masks. Many people didn't like to wear them and believed that the masks were not effective. This was posted on…
“If you push Continental breakfast tables together, do you get a Pangaea breakfast?”
If you combine all the continental breakfast tables together, would that make for a supercontinental (Pangaea or Pangea) breakfast? "If this is the Continental breakfast, I'd hate to see…
“If you put a key lime inside a lock lime it reveals the Treasure of Lime Mountain”
There are keys and locks. There are key limes, but no lock limes. "So is there a counterpart to Key Lime Pie called Lock Lime Pie?" was posted on Twitter by Steffany A on August 1, 2011.…
“If you put holy water in a humidifier, it turns the room into a gas chamber for vampires”
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterBob Kostic@causticbobIf you put holy water in a humidifier it turns the room into a gas chamber for vampires.6:13 PM · Jun 2, 2023
“If you put peanut butter on a rice cake you can throw it farther”
Not everyone likes rice cakes. People often put something on it to improve the taste. "If you put peanut butter on a rice cake you can throw it farther" was posted on Twitter by Bart on…
“If you put root beer in a square cup, does it become beer?” (joke)
A math joke is told about square roots and root beer. "If you put root beer in a square glass do you get beer?" was cited on Twitter on May 15, 2012. "If you put root beer in a…
“If you put too much water in your rice, toss in a few phones to soak it up #lifehacks”
"COOKING HACK: if you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there" was posted on X/Twitter by "ben are scum" @UniqueDude2 on September 4, 2015. (The account is…
“If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape”
"If you ran like your mouth, you'd be in good shape" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "You'd be in great shape if you ran like your…
“If you rarely drive on snow, just pretend you’re taking your grandma to church…”
Southerners don't like to drive in the snow. A tip was posted on Twitter by Chad Sullivan on January 15, 2018, and this was later posted on the 6 a.m. newscast weather report of WBTV, the CBS…
“If you really want to get off carbs, start referring to ‘baked goods’ as ‘baked bads’”
"Good" is the opposite of "bad" and "evil." There are "baked goods," but there are no "baked bads" or "baked evils." "Then tell me…
“If you remember the ‘60s, you weren’t really there”
The decade of the 1960s was known in the United States for drug use and music festivals such as Woodstock (held August 15–18, 1969, in Bethel, New York). "EXIT LINE: Comedian Charlie…
“If you remove croutons from your salad, are they then called croutoffs?”
There are salad croutons, but no croutoffs. There are several jokes, such as "crouton, croutoff" (like "clap on, clap off" of The Clapper, and "wax on, wax off" from…
“If you say ‘excellent choice’ after somebody selects a floor in an elevator you can usually get a pity laugh”
Many people make small talk in an elevator. This was posted on X/Twitter by big diesel, and it received over 110,000 likes: "If you say 'excellent choice' after somebody selects a…
“If you say AT&T backwards you sound like a Canadian bomb technician” (joke)
AT&T Inc. is the world's largest telecommunications company and also the world's largest media and entertainment company. An AT&T joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on November…
“If you scroll down far enough, we’re all on the front page”
Web developers seek to place things on the "front page," but sometimes that page scrolls down for a long, long while. "If you scroll down far enough, is *everything* on the Front…
“If you see a bulge in a conservative woman’s pants, it’s a gun. If you see a bulge in a liberal woman’s pants, it’s a penis”
"If you see a bulge in a conservative woman’s pants, it’s a gun. If you see a bulge in a liberal woman’s pants, it’s a penis" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“If you see a class being taught by Gandalf, avoid it because YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
Gandalf is a protagonist in J. R. R. Tolkien's novels The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Many jokes have Gandalf as a teacher, shouting his famous line. "COLLEGE JOKE | I went to LOTR…
“If you see a good move, look for a better one” (chess adage)
"If you see a good move, look for a better one" is a chess adage meaning that one should study the position and not jump at the first good thought. The saying has also been used in…
“If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don’t you hit him?” (lawyer joke)
One popular lawyer joke -- yet another on the theme of killing lawyers -- is: Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?A: It might be your bicycle. The joke has…