“I trust the government to lie about everything”
"I trust the government to lie about everything" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I trust the government (to lie about everything)" was posted on Twitter by…
“I TRUST THE SCIENCE!”/“You trust the television.”
"Be honest, you didn't trust the science. You trusted the TV" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "Trust the science” became a popular saying during the…
“I try to avoid things that make me fat. Like scales, photos and mirrors”
"I try to avoid things that make me fat. Like scales, photos and mirrors" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I am trying my best to be a good girl and avoid…
“I try to be a good person, but then someone pulls out in front of me doing ten below the speed limit…”
A statement about the frustrations of highway driving was posted on X/Twitter by New_England_Dad on September 3, 2021: "I try to be a good person, but then someone pulls out in front of me…
“I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant ‘food’”
"I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant 'food.' I try to find the food in every situation" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I turn coffee into tax returns”
"I turn coffee into tax returns" is a jocular tax season saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is a tax preparer who needs coffee to function. "I turn coffee into…
“I understand that my body can’t digest corn or whatever…”
This saying about eating corn was posted on X/Twitter by tate on APil 29, 2024 and received over 159,000 likes: "i understand that my body can't digest corn or whatever. that's fine.…
“I used to be a freelance journalist, but I wasn’t very good at it. Lance is still in prison”
"Freelance" journalism isn't about freeing someone named Lance, but there's a joke: "I used to be a freelance journalist, but I was crap. Lance is still in prison."…
“I used to be a heavy drinker, but then I lost some weight”
A "heavy drinker" is someone who drinks a lot. A "heavy drinker" is not necessarily heavy in weight, but there are jokes. "i used to be a heavy drinker but then lost…
“I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired”
A racial joke about employment has been told by stand-up comedian Larry the Cable Guy since at least 2005: "I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired." The joke is that…
“I used to be a member of the secret cooking society. They kicked me out for spilling the beans”
To "spill the beans" means to reveal a secret. A food pun is: "I used to be a member of the secret cooking society. They kicked me out for spilling the beans." "I got fired…
“I used to be a shoe salesman, but they gave me the boot”
A pun about working as a shoe salesman is: "I used to be a shoe salesman, but they gave me the boot." "I worked in a shoe store, but they gave me the boot" was posted to the…
“I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink”
"I used to be a tap dancer until I fell into the sink" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "You know, I used to be a tap dancer, but I kept falling…
“I used to be a trapeze artist, but I was let go”
"I once had a job with the circus as a trapeze artist, but I was let go" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Ken3ie 5trick|and on May 19, 2009. "Stewart Francis - 'I was a…
“I used to be addicted to swimming, but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for two years”
A joke about swimming -- and drinking -- was posted on Twitter by Alfie Moore on March 31, 2013: "I used to be addicted to swimming but I'm proud to say I've been dry for two years…
“I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers. I had to quit cold turkey”
"Cold turkey" (an abrupt cessation of a substance dependence) has nothing to do with Thanksgiving leftovers, but there are jokes. "Show me a man who throws Thanksgiving leftovers in…
“I used to be an expert in the Dunning-Kruger effect. Then I started to learn more about it”
The Dunning-Kruger effect describes a cognitive bias in which people of low ability assess their abilities to be greater than they actually are. There have been several jokes about it. "About…
“I used to be cool, now I say things like, ‘I ate too much cheese last night’”
"I used to be cool, now I say things like, 'I ate too much cheese last night'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. When people get older, they usually…
“I used to be cool. Now I like to research menus and the parking situation before I go somewhere new”
Many people just don't go to a new restaurant anymore -- they research it before going. This was posted on Facebook by Sandra Hunt Hudson on January 14, 2026: "I used to be cool….. Now…
“I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters”
"I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'. You probably saw our posters" is a popular joke that has been printed on several images. "XD RT @sickipediabot I used to be in…