“I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye”
"I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye" is a pun on the famous line in the Johnny Cash song "Folsom Prison Blues" (1953), "I shot a man in Reno, just to…
“I shot someone with a starting gun. I’ve been charged with race crime”
Is a crime at a running race a race crime? There's a joke: "I shot someone with a starting gun. I've been charged with race crime." The pun was cited on Twitter on October 7,…
“I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I’m in whey over my head”
"I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk, I'm in whey over my head" is a joke with a popular whey/way pun. The oneliner was posted on Twitter by Tony Cowards on…
“I should quit my job to focus on cooking dinner”
Dinner takes a lot of effort to prepare, and having a job can conflict with this. "Might quit my job to focus on cooking dinner every day for the rest of my life" was posted on X/Twitter…
“I should worry, I should care, I should marry a millionaire…”
"I should worry" became a famous slang phrase in the United States in 1912 and 1913. "I should worry. I should fret. I should marry a suffragette..." and "I should worry, I…
“I should worry. I should fret. I should marry a suffragette…”
"I should worry" became a famous slang phrase in the United States in 1912 and 1913. "I should worry. I should fret. I should marry a suffragette..." and "I should worry, I…
“I shouldn’t have had seafood because now I’m feeling a little eel”
"I knew I shouldn't have had the seafood because now I'm feeling a little eel" is a jocular one-liner that has been printed on many images. "You'll have to excuse me,…
“I signed up for Binary 101, but it turns out it’s a level 5 course”
Many introductory college courses end in "101." But what if the course is Binary 101? (101 is 5 in binary.) "I failed Binary 101.I said it was 6. http://bit.ly/1a78s7q via…
“I skip Black Friday because my hatred of mankind outweighs my love for stuff”
"I skip Black Friday because my hatred of mankind outweighs my love for stuff" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Many people try to avoid the Black Friday shopping…
“I slapped a statue’s ass. I’ve officially hit rock bottom”
"Rock bottom" is the lowest level or point. A joke about stone statues is: "I slapped a statue's ass. I've officially hit rock bottom." "I slapped a statue on the…
“I sleep better naked. Why can’t the flight attendant understand this?”
"I sleep better naked. Why can't the flight attendant understand this?" is a jocular saying about sleeping on an airplane that has been printed on many images. "I always sleep…
“I sleep better naked. Why can’t the flight attendants understand this?”
"I sleep better naked. Why can't the flight attendant(s) understand this?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain. "I sleep better…
“I sleep in a castle once every two weeks. It’s my fort night”
A fortnight joke was posted on X/Twitter by FizzySnood on August 23, 2015: " I sleep in a castle once every two weeks. It's my fort night." Wikipedia: Fortnight A fortnight is a unit…
“I slept in a bed of rice last night. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pilau”
"Pilaf" (U.S. spelling) is a rice dish that is spelled "pilau" in the United Kingdom, and, of course, there are "pillow" jokes. "I slept in a bed of rice last…
“I snow. He snew. We snode”
"It snode" (for "it snowed") is a snow spelling/saying/meme that has been printed on many images. "It snew" has also been used and the Merriam-Webster Dictionary…
“I sold fake eclipse glasses. but those suckers will never see me again”
There was a solar eclipse on August 21, 2017. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 24, 2017: "This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses. I'm not to…
“I sometimes wonder if my phone call has ever been used for quality or training purposes”
A business often states that a phone conversation with a customer may be recorded and used for training or quality purposes. "Sometimes I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for…
“I sometimes wonder if Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima are married to each other”
Uncle Ben's is a brand name for rice products. Aunt Jemima is a brand name for pancake mixes and syrups. People sometimes joke that Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima are married, and this has been…
“I souport publik edukashun”
"Public education" is often jocularly misspelled "publik edukashun" to ridicule its quality. ""Another brilyunt mind diztroyed by the publik edukashun sistum" has…
“I speak fluent French (fries)”
"I speak French (fries)" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I speak fluent French (fries)" has also been printed on many images. "I speak French…