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December 12, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies. Yup, he’s my screen-savior”

A "screensaver" should not be confused with a "screen savior," but there are jokes. The "screen savior" pun has been printed on many images. "Jesus is my screen…

July 31, 2019
Food/Drink

“I put ketchup in my eyes today. In Heinzsight, it was a bad idea”

"Hindsight" is sometimes joked as "Heinzsight" (involving Heinz ketchup). "Pouring ketchup in my eyes was a mistake in Heinz sight" was posted on Twitter by IVESGAGS…

February 21, 2018
Work/Businesses

“I put my heart and soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process”

"'I put my heart and soul into my work, and have half lost my mind in the process.' VINCENT VAN GOGH" was printed in the book Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890: Vision and Reality…

September 7, 2017
Transportation

“I put my phone on airplane mode. Now it won’t stop calling me Shirley”

The comedy movie Airplane! (1980) has this classic joke: Striker: Surely you can't be serious?Rumack: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. A joke on the term "airplane mode"…

March 6, 2019
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I put my phone on airplane mode. Now it won’t stop calling me Shirley”

The comedy movie Airplane! (1980) has this classic joke: Striker: Surely you can't be serious?Rumack: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. A joke on the term "airplane mode"…

July 30, 2021
Food/Drink

“I put my wife’s chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. It gets her Snickers in a Twix”

The expression "get one's knickers in a twist" shouldn't be confused with "Snickers in a Twix," but there are jokes. Snickers and Twix are chocolate bars.…

April 16, 2026
Food/Drink

“I put some yeast in my broth. The results were soup rising”

"Surprise" shouldn't be confused with "soup rise," but there are jokes. "overheard someone, who added yeast to their broth, say, ''Well, that was a…

September 19, 2020
Work/Businesses

“I put the thingamabob inside the whatchamacallit, turned the doohickey…”

Folksy "placeholder" words sound more ridiculous in the same sentence. "I've told them a hundred times 'Don't touch the whatchamacallit because it will make the…

October 14, 2011
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I question the timing” (IQTT)

"I question the timing" means that someone suspects political motivation behind an action. For example, a politician in New York City used to have high publicity porn busts right before…

February 13, 2019
Transportation

“I quit as a taxi driver. Couldn’t stand all the people talking behind my back”

A taxi joke has the driver quit because people were talking behind his back. "(Mickey -- ed.) Finn crowd-pleases with some classic taxi humour like: 'That's what I hate about this…

August 9, 2015
Work/Businesses

“I quit my job crushing cans. It was soda pressing”

"Soda pressing" is a pun for "so depressing." A rock song titled "Soda Pressing" by the punk group Boys was released in 1977. "He had a soft drink while catching…

November 20, 2017
Work/Businesses

“I quit my job over religious differences. My boss thought he was God and I didn’t”

A popular marriage joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.jewish on November 4, 2000: "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't."…

May 11, 2021
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I quit my job testing treadmills. I felt I wasn’t going anywhere”

"I bet testing treadmills is a great starter job. Seems like it could really get a career up and running..." is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Nancy on September 28, 2012. "My…

September 24, 2017
Work/Businesses

“I quit my job working at a helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice”

"I quit my job working at a helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice" is a joke that has been printed on several images. The joke has been cited in print since at…

September 18, 2016
Food/Drink

“I quit smoking cold turkey” (joke)

"Cold turkey" is defined as a sudden stop to a dependency (such as smoking or drugs). A pun on the "cold turkey" term appeared in New York magazine on November 20, 1978: "I…

July 14, 2018
Food/Drink

“I ran 5 miles for the first time. I didn’t think that ice cream truck would ever stop!”

Some people run...for ice cream? "I Ran Five Miles Today.....Damn Ice Cream Truck Still Didn't Stop...Even Though I Was Yellin & Wavin My Money At Him!!" was posted on Twitter on…

July 14, 2018
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I ran 5 miles for the first time. I didn’t think that ice cream truck would ever stop!”

Some people run...for ice cream? "I Ran Five Miles Today.....Damn Ice Cream Truck Still Didn't Stop...Even Though I Was Yellin & Wavin My Money At Him!!" was posted on Twitter on…

May 20, 2023
Streets

“I ran into a lamppost yesterday. Luckily, I only sustained light injuries”

"I ran into a lamppost. But I only have light injuries" is a pun that was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on July 18, 2020. "I ran into a lamppost yesterday. Luckily, I only sustained…

October 5, 2019
Food/Drink

“I ran out of coffee this morning. Tequila seemed a reasonable replacement. Everyone is so pretty”

"I ran out of coffee this morning. Tequila seemed a reasonable replacement. Everyone is so pretty" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I ran out of coffee this…

March 22, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old newspapers… The Times are rough”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in toilet paper shortages -- and jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 18, 2020: "I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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