“My doctor said to stay away from trans fats, so I left tumblr”
Tumblr is a social networking website that has been popular with the LGBTQ community and with people who post recipes. "Trans fats" does not mean "fat transsexuals," but a joke…
“My earbuds broke. More like earenemies”
"Earbuds" have nothing to do with "buds" or "buddies," but there are jokes. "I hate earbuds. They never stay in my ears. Punks! More like earenemies." was…
“My earbuds quickly turn into earenemies when I can’t find them”
"Earbuds" have nothing to do with "buds" or "buddies," but there are jokes. "I hate earbuds. They never stay in my ears. Punks! More like earenemies." was…
“My editor dislikes my use of contractions but it’s what it’s”
"It is what it is" is a popular phrase. "It's what it's" is used in contraction jokes. "Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it's what it's" was…
“My ex-wife says it was my obsession with horoscopes that Taurus apart”
Many people are obsessed with newspaper/internet horoscopes. "Taurus" sounds like "tore us." "Before we split up, my wife was obsessed with horoscopes.I'm sure…
“My Facebook account is for laughing. For crying, I have my bank account!”
"My Facebook account is for laughing. For crying, I have my bank account!" (shown on an image) was posted on Facebook by Koroit Bakehouse on March 14, 2021. It's not known who posted…
“My Facebook-using grandfather died. We won’t be seeing the likes of him again”
Facebook is an online social media website that allows users to "like" posts. A joke is: "After spending up to twelve hours a day on Facebook for years, my grandfather died…
“My father uses reddit. I guess it’s heredditary”
"Heredditary" (hereditary + reddit) is a portmanteau word to describe a family that uses the American social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website.…
“My favorite way to online shop is to yell out what I’m looking for & wait for the Facebook ads”
"My favorite way to online shop is just yelling out exactly what I’m looking for until an ad for it pops up on my feed" was posted on Twitter by Janet Forklift on October 4, 2020. The…
“My friend lost his job as a journalist at a classic rock magazine through musical differences. He was always giving rave reviews”
A "rave review" isn't necessarily a review of a rave, but there are jokes. "Friend of mine gave up his job at the classic rock magazine as he had musical differences with his…
“My friend phoned that he’s changing his name to ‘Spinal Column.’ I said, ‘Can I call you back?’”
To "call someone back" is usually not meant literally in those words, but there are jokes. This was posted on Twitter by Tom Fox on November 2, 2015: "My mate rang to say he's…
“My friends call me ‘The Computer.’ I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes”
"My friends call me 'The Computer'. Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes" was posted on Twitter by Ben on May 20, 2015.…
“My girlfriend just couldn’t accept my obsession with horoscopes. In the end it Taurus apart”
Many people are obsessed with newspaper/internet horoscopes. "Taurus" sounds like "tore us." "Before we split up, my wife was obsessed with horoscopes.I'm sure…
“My girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter” (joke)
A joke about being a news reporter was posted on Twitter by Bob Kostic on December 25, 2015: "So my girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter. Well…
“My grandad asked me how to print on his computer. I told him it’s Ctrl-P” (joke)
Ctrl-P (print) sounds like "control pee." "Microsoft discriminates against incontinent people, with the continued insistence that they control pee to print" was posted on…
“My idols are shadowbanned and my enemies are all verified”
"My idols are shadowbanned and my enemies are all verified" is a saying (referring to Twitter) that has been printed on several images. That is, the people who Twitter promotes are bad,…
“My internet bride got delivered today. She’s the WiFi always dreamed of”
"WiFi" sounds like "wife I." A pun was posted on Twitter by Dave Thomas on March 18, 2012: "My internet bride got delivered today, she's the WiFi always dreamed…
“My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them”
"My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit/stuff in person" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images.…
“My internet was down for 5 minutes, so I spoke to my family. They seem like nice people”
Does the internet make people antisocial? A joke has been printed on many ecards: "My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family… They seem like nice…
“My love for the truth outweighs my fear of offending you”
"My love for the truth outweighs my fear of offending you" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying involves the first amendment (the right to free speech) against…