“My body is a machine that turns alcohol into drunk texts”
Many people get drunk, and then drunk text on their phones. "my body is a machine that turns alcohol into drunk texts to women" was posted on X/Twitter by marq 𓆏 on May 5, 2024.…
“My body is a machine that turns beers into regrettable drunk texts”
Many people get drunk, and then drunk text on their phones. "my body is a machine that turns alcohol into drunk texts to women" was posted on X/Twitter by marq 𓆏 on May 5, 2024.…
“My brain just logged me out due to inactivity and now I can’t remember my password”
"My brain just logged me out due to inactivity and now I can't remember my password" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on X/Twitter by…
“My computer crashed. Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what’s happening”
A joke comparing a crashed computer to a crashed car -- and rubbernecking delays -- was posted on Twitter on August 5, 2013: "My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed…
“My computer has a virus and is only showing ads for American Eagle, GAP and Urban Outfitters…”
"Malware" should not be written or pronounced like "mall-wear," but there are jokes. "RT @TJSullivanLA: It's pronounced mal-ware, not 'mall-wear.' 1st virus…
“My desire to be well-informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane”
“My desire to be well-informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane” is a saying that has been printed on many images. The most popular image is a cartoon by David Sipress, and he…
“My desire to stay well-informed is at odds with my desire to stay sane”
“My desire to be well-informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane” is a saying that has been printed on many images. The most popular image is a cartoon by David Sipress, and he…
“My doctor said to stay away from trans fats, so I left tumblr”
Tumblr is a social networking website that has been popular with the LGBTQ community and with people who post recipes. "Trans fats" does not mean "fat transsexuals," but a joke…
“My earbuds broke. More like earenemies”
"Earbuds" have nothing to do with "buds" or "buddies," but there are jokes. "I hate earbuds. They never stay in my ears. Punks! More like earenemies." was…
“My earbuds quickly turn into earenemies when I can’t find them”
"Earbuds" have nothing to do with "buds" or "buddies," but there are jokes. "I hate earbuds. They never stay in my ears. Punks! More like earenemies." was…
“My editor dislikes my use of contractions but it’s what it’s”
"It is what it is" is a popular phrase. "It's what it's" is used in contraction jokes. "Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it's what it's" was…
“My ex-wife says it was my obsession with horoscopes that Taurus apart”
Many people are obsessed with newspaper/internet horoscopes. "Taurus" sounds like "tore us." "Before we split up, my wife was obsessed with horoscopes.I'm sure…
“My Facebook account is for laughing. For crying, I have my bank account!”
"My Facebook account is for laughing. For crying, I have my bank account!" (shown on an image) was posted on Facebook by Koroit Bakehouse on March 14, 2021. It's not known who posted…
“My Facebook-using grandfather died. We won’t be seeing the likes of him again”
Facebook is an online social media website that allows users to "like" posts. A joke is: "After spending up to twelve hours a day on Facebook for years, my grandfather died…
“My father uses reddit. I guess it’s heredditary”
"Heredditary" (hereditary + reddit) is a portmanteau word to describe a family that uses the American social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website.…
“My favorite way to online shop is to yell out what I’m looking for & wait for the Facebook ads”
"My favorite way to online shop is just yelling out exactly what I’m looking for until an ad for it pops up on my feed" was posted on Twitter by Janet Forklift on October 4, 2020. The…
“My friend lost his job as a journalist at a classic rock magazine through musical differences. He was always giving rave reviews”
A "rave review" isn't necessarily a review of a rave, but there are jokes. "Friend of mine gave up his job at the classic rock magazine as he had musical differences with his…
“My friend phoned that he’s changing his name to ‘Spinal Column.’ I said, ‘Can I call you back?’”
To "call someone back" is usually not meant literally in those words, but there are jokes. This was posted on Twitter by Tom Fox on November 2, 2015: "My mate rang to say he's…
“My friends call me ‘The Computer.’ I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes”
"My friends call me 'The Computer'. Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes" was posted on Twitter by Ben on May 20, 2015.…
“My girlfriend just couldn’t accept my obsession with horoscopes. In the end it Taurus apart”
Many people are obsessed with newspaper/internet horoscopes. "Taurus" sounds like "tore us." "Before we split up, my wife was obsessed with horoscopes.I'm sure…