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August 8, 2023
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If a meme is dank, a man is not only right to steal it, he is obligated to do so.-Thomas Jefferson”

"If a meme is dank, a man is not only right to steal it, he is obligated to do so. -- Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson" is a jocular quotation that has been printed on many images.…

April 10, 2021
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If American websites use cookies, do British websites use biscuits?”

An "HTTP cookie" is not something that's eaten, but there have been several jokes. A popular joke translates American "cookies" to British "biscuits." Another…

August 24, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If anybody needs copies of Osteopath Weekly, I have back issues”

There have been several magazine puns on the term “back issues.” "I've been getting the periodical Osteopath weekly for years. I have a lot of back issues" was posted on Twitter…

November 24, 2021
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If anybody wants a list of all famous Bugs Bunny quotes, I can send it to you as a WhatsApp doc”

WhatsApp (an instant messaging and voice-over-IP service) has nothing to do with Bugs Bunny and his famous catchphrase "What's up, doc?," but there are jokes. "Cuál es la App…

August 24, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If anyone needs copies of Osteopath Monthly, I have back issues”

There have been several magazine puns on the term “back issues.” "I've been getting the periodical Osteopath weekly for years. I have a lot of back issues" was posted on Twitter…

April 9, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If anything I post offends you, blame your parents for raising a little bitch”

"If anything I post offends you, blame your parents for raising a little bitch" and "If anything I post on my page offends you, blame your parents for raising a pussy" are…

April 9, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If anything I post on my page offends you, blame your parents for raising a pussy”

"If anything I post offends you, blame your parents for raising a little bitch" and "If anything I post on my page offends you, blame your parents for raising a pussy" are…

April 9, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If anything on the internet offends you, blame your parents for raising a pussy”

"If anything I post offends you, blame your parents for raising a little bitch" and "If anything I post on my page offends you, blame your parents for raising a pussy" are…

January 5, 2018
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/InternetPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t”

"If cats could text you back, they wouldn't" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The joke is that cats are self-centered and lazy. "If cats could text you…

March 26, 2018
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in”

"If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in" is a jocular saying about committees that has been printed on many images. "If machines…

October 14, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/InternetWork/Businesses

“If every book is a #1 New York Times best seller, which books are the number 2?”

The New York (NY) Times has a Book Review section, and it has had a weekly best seller list since October 12, 1931. There are many categories. For many people who buy books, it often seems that…

September 3, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If I blocked you on social media and you see me in public, the block still applies in real life”

"If I blocked you on social media and you see me in the streets, the block still applies in real life" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight…

September 2, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If I blocked you on social media and you see me in the streets, the block still applies”

"If I blocked you on social media and you see me in the streets, the block still applies in real life" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight…

September 2, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If I blocked you on social media and you see me in these streets, the block still applies”

"If I blocked you on social media and you see me in the streets, the block still applies in real life" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight…

January 8, 2023
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If I could cure cancer, you’d say that I put doctors out of work” (bad press)

"If I (a politician) could cure cancer, you'd (the press would) say that I put doctors out of work" is a saying about someone who can never get honest press coverage, no matter what…

October 4, 2016
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If I could walk on water, you’d say that I can’t swim” (bad press)

Jesus walking on water is recorded in three of the Gospels of the New Testament. Walking on water (a miracle) is often compared to swimming (a normal activity). A joke circulated in 1945 that…

January 19, 2025
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If I haven’t offended you yet…. Look through my posts. That shit is in there somewhere”

"If I haven't offended you yet.... Look through my timeline.... that shit in there somewhere.... #stolenquote #Truth" was posted on Facebook by Daniel Chavez on November 18, 2015.…

September 13, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If I offended you, I apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read”

"If I've offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly did not think you could read" is a jocular social media apology that has been printed on many images. "If…

March 4, 2024
Government/Law/Military/Religion /HealthMedia/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If I post something you don’t like, just ignore it like you ignore corruption in the government”

"If I post something you don't like, just ignore it like you ignore government corruption" (or "If I post something you don't like, just ignore it like you ignore the…

March 4, 2024
Government/Law/Military/Religion /HealthMedia/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If I post something you don’t like, just ignore it like you ignore government corruption”

"If I post something you don't like, just ignore it like you ignore government corruption" (or "If I post something you don't like, just ignore it like you ignore the…

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About the Website and Editor

BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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