“I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo”
"I've deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo" is a saying meaning that the speaker changes thoughts so often, something permanent (a tattoo on the…
“I’ve just blocked my toilet. I don’t know why I added it as a friend on Facebook in the first place”
Blocking on social media is not like other blocking, but there are jokes. "RT @davidjewood: I've just blocked my toilet. I don't know why I added it on Skype in the first place"…
“I’ve just blocked my toilet. I don’t know why I added it on Skype in the first place”
Blocking on social media is not like other blocking, but there are jokes. "RT @davidjewood: I've just blocked my toilet. I don't know why I added it on Skype in the first place"…
“I’ve just blocked my toilet. I don’t know why I followed it on twitter in the first place”
Blocking on social media is not like other blocking, but there are jokes. "RT @davidjewood: I've just blocked my toilet. I don't know why I added it on Skype in the first place"…
“I’ve never been camping, but once my phone died and I looked up and saw a tree”
Many people are too busy looking on their phones to do anything else. "I've never been camping, but once my phone died and I looked up and saw a tree" is a jocular saying that has…
“I’ve never seen a tombstone that said, ‘Died from not forwarding a chain email’”
"Died From Not Forwarding That Email to 10 People" is a jocular saying about chain emails that has been printed on many fake tombstones. "I've never seen a tombstone that read:…
“I’ve noticed a lot of you are not posting selfies anymore since the beauty salons have closed”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in a lot of salons closing. "Have you Noticed that since all the Beauty Salons have closed Nobodies taking Selfies" was posted on Facebook by…
“I’ve open sourced my French Revolution joke. It’s royalty free”
The French Revolution deposed of royalty. "You can use my French Revolution joke. It's royalty free" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on July 31, 2021. "Anyone can use my French…
“I’ll change my Facebook username to NOBODY…” (joke)
"I am going 2 change my Facebook username to NOBODY so when i see a boring status..i will like it..then it read:NOBODY LIKE THIS" was posted on Twitter on September 4, 2012. "Very…
“I’ll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I got a man again”
"I'll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I'm in a relationship again" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words -- never. "I’ll vacuum the…
“I’m at that age where the most exciting text I get is, ‘Your prescription is ready for pickup’”
Texting can be romantic -- or not. "I'm at the point in life where the hottest text I get is: 'Your prescription is ready for pick up'" is a jocular saying that has been…
“I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called linkedout”
LinkedIn is an American business and employment-oriented social networking service website. THere is no LinkedOut for unemployed or retired people, but there are jokes. "In these rough…
“I’m so old I can remember when the only fake news was the National Enquirer”
Donald Trump was elected U.S. president on November 8, 2016. He did not get along well with the mainstream media, and he called CNN (and others) as "fake news." Many people previously…
“I’m trying to pick a good film to have on in the background while I look at my phone all night”
Many people watch their phones while they are supposedly watching a movie. This joke was posted on Facebook and X/Twitter by Very British Problems on September 12, 2025 : "I’m trying to pick…
“I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players. The servers are currently down”
Websites often have a problem with a “server,” providing the basis of tennis puns. "Made a website for depressed tennis players. Servers are currently down" was posted on Twitter on…
“Idk why they call it social media, all I do is crack jokes and ignore people”
"Idk why they call it social media, all I do is crack jokes and ignore people" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "Idk why they call it social media, all I do is…
“If .com websites use cookies, should .co.uk sites use biscuits?”
An "HTTP cookie" is not something that's eaten, but there have been several jokes. A popular joke translates American "cookies" to British "biscuits." Another…
“If a dreidel is on the news, wouldn’t it be a top story?”
A dreidel is a spinning top, played during the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah. A news report about a dreidel would be a "top story." "Today's Top Story Is ACTUALLY About A…
“If a hot girl DMs you about crypto, block him”
"If a hot girl DMs/messages/texts you about crypto, block him" is a jocular saying. That is, it's a scam--and the person sending the message is not a hot girl, but a man. "If a…
“If a hot girl messages you about crypto, block him”
"If a hot girl DMs/messages/texts you about crypto, block him" is a jocular saying. That is, it's a scam--and the person sending the message is not a hot girl, but a man. "If a…