“If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry fucking Christmas”
"If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker wants to wish people a happy Christmas, whether that is…
“If the broom fits, fly it”
"If the broom fits, fly it" -- a Halloween saying referring to witches flying brooms -- has been printed on many images. It's a variation on the saying, "if the shoe fits, wear…
“If Valentine’s Day is a day for lovers, what day is special for singles?”/“Palm Sunday.”
A not-safe-for-work joke is told about Valentine's Day. "If Valentines Day is for lovers... what day is for single men... Palm Sunday" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“If you don’t have a valentine on Valentine’s Day, don’t be sad”
A Valentine's Day saying is: "If you don't have a valentine on Valentine's Day, don't be sad. Most people don't have AIDS on World AIDS Day as well." The saying…
“If you’re lucky enough to be Irish, you’re lucky enough”
"If you're lucky enough to be Irish, then you're lucky enough" is a popular St. Patrick's Day saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in…
“If you’ve seen one Santa, you’ve seen a mall”
Many shopping malls have Santa Claus displays for Christmas. “‘Santa isn’t real’ ok, I literally saw him at the mall” is a joke. "GOD IT SEEMS if you`ve seen one santa ..you`ve seen…
“If you’ve seen one Santa, you’ve seen the mall”
Many shopping malls have Santa Claus displays for Christmas. “‘Santa isn’t real’ ok, I literally saw him at the mall” is a joke. "GOD IT SEEMS if you`ve seen one santa ..you`ve seen…
“If you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, remember nobody loves you on any other day”
"If you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember nobody loves you on any other day, either" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many ecards. The…
“In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system”
"In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store's speaker system" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Mariah…
“In the ghetto, do they put hood ornaments on their Christmas trees?”
Ornaments are put on a Christmas tree, but usually not "hood ornaments." A joke is that "hood" stands for both "neighborhood" and the hood of a car. "if you…
“Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited”
"Instead of presents this year, I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited" (or "This Christmas/year instead of gifts, I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited")…
“Instead of Valentine’s Day, we should just have a second Thanksgiving”
Many people don't like Valentine's Day because it's about love, but they do enjoy meeting people and eating together. It's been suggested to get rid of Valentine's Day and…
“Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day” (knock-knock joke)
"Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day" (for "I wish you a happy St. Patrick's Day") is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Irish you a happy St.…
“Is a serial killer on Halloween called a trigger treater?”
"Trick-or-treater" is a term sometimes replaced with the similar sounding term "trigger treater." "is a serial killer on halloween called a trigger treater?" was…
“Is Christmas pizza a thing? Because Christmas pizza should be a thing”
Pizza is not a traditional Christmas dish, but some people would like to make Christmas pizza "a thing." Some others think that Christmas pizza should not be a thing. "Is Christmas…
“Isn’t it weird that cranberries are only relevant because of UTI’s and Thanksgiving?”
Cranberries are traditionally served on Thanksgiving. Cranberries can also help fight urinary tract infections. "#Cranberries are antibacterial that can helps in preventing #ulcer and #urinary…
“It isn’t the holly, it isn’t the snow. It isn’t the tree nor the firelight’s glow” (Christmas poem)
American poet Angela Morgan (1875-1957) published the poem "The Christmas Miracle" in Collier's for Christmas (a weekly magazine based in New York City) on December 14, 1912. Part of…
“It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety”
"It's almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety" is a saying (made after Thanksgiving and before Christmas) that has been printed on many images.…
“It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety”
"It's almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy holiday anxiety" (or "It's almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas…
“It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy holiday anxiety”
"It's almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy holiday anxiety" (or "It's almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas…