“I’d call myself a politician, but then I would just be a liar…”
A joke about politicians and lying is: "I'd call myself a politician, but then I would just be a liar. So, basically, I would be a politician." The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes…
“I’d demand a recount” (William F. Buckley, Jr., Conservative, if elected mayor in 1965)
William F. Buckley, Jr. ran in 1965 for mayor of New York City. As a Conservative. He did get about 13% of he vote. He was asked what he would do if he won the race. Buckley issued his classic…
“I’d like to buy Christmas stamps.”/“What denomination?” (joke)
Christmas stamps and Hanukkah stamps are sold by the U.S. post office, and a joke has a woman buying such stamps. "What denomination?" a clerk asks her. The woman, however, believes the…
“I’d like to buy Hanukkah stamps.”/“What denomination?” (joke)
Christmas stamps and Hanukkah stamps are sold by the U.S. post office, and a joke has a woman buying such stamps. "What denomination?" a clerk asks her. The woman, however, believes the…
“I’d like to congratulate drugs for winning the war on drugs”
"Congratulations to drugs for winning the war on drugs" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "We'd like to congratulate drugs for winning the war on…
“I’d rather have a gun in my hand than a cop on the phone”
"A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone" is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. The form is similar to the proverb "a bird in the hand is worth two in…
“I’d rather have a gun in the hand than a cop on the phone”
"A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone" is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. The form is similar to the proverb "a bird in the hand is worth two in…
“I’d rather trust my neighbors with more freedom than trust my politicians with more power”
"I'd rather trust my neighbors with more freedom than trust my politicians with more power" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "I'd rather trust my…
“I’d tell you an economics joke, but there’s not enough demand”
"I'd tell you an economics joke, but there's not enough demand" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Economics is about supply and demand. "So nobody…
“I’ll control my guns. You control your kids”
"I'll control my guns. You control your kids" is a pro-Second Amendment saying that has been printed on many images. "Seen a sign today that said 'You control your kids,…
“I’ll hug your elephant if you kiss my ass” (Republican-Democrat bipartisanship)
"I'll hug your elephant if you kiss my ass" is the last line of a bipartisanship poem of unknown authorship, said to be from a Democrat to a Republican after an election. The poem…
“I’ll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar”
A Klondike bar is an ice cream bar coated with a thin layer of chocolate. "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" is a memorable ad jingle that began in 1982. "I'll never be…
“I’m 1776% sure you’re not taking my AR-15”
"I am 1776% sure no one will be taking my guns" (or "I am 1776% sure no one is taking my guns") is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. "1776" is the…
“I’m a lawyer. I’m here to defend your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer. I’m here to protect your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer. It’s my job to defend your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer.” / “Honest?” / “No, the regular kind.”
“I’m a lawyer.” “Honest?” “No, the regular kind" is a lawyer joke that was posted on the newsgroup alt.bbs.wildcat on February 15, 1996. The joke is that the speaker had meant…
“I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue”
A "single issue voter" votes for or against a politician based solely on a single issue. The "single issue voter" can be single or married, and this is the basis of a joke.…
“I’m already against the next war”
"I'm already against the next war" is an anti-war saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been on bumper stickers since at least 2006. "Bumpersnicker…
“I’m an artist for the government. I draw unemployment”
"I'm an artist. I draw unemployment" is a joke that has been cited in print since at least 1986 and 1989. "Now he's an artist for the state. He draws unemployment" was…