“If fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”
Manhattan-born comedian George Carlin (1937-2008) wrote in Napalm & Silly Putty (2002): "The contra killers were known as 'freedom fighters.' Well, if crime fighters fight crime…
“If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to slaughter”
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter" is a George Washington (1732-1799) quotation that became frequently used in the…
“If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone will want them”
"If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone/everybody will want them" is a saying that's been cited in print since at least June 1994. The origin of the saying…
“If gay marriage is wrong, then why did we have four fathers?”
"Forefathers" shouldn't be confused with "four fathers," but there are jokes. "If gay marriage is wrong, then why did we have four fathers?" was posted on Twitter…
“If genitals don’t define gender, how does removing them affirm it?”
"If genitals don't define gender, how does removing them affirm it?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Imagine thinking genitalia doesn't indicate…
“If Gladstone should fall into the Thames, that would be a misfortune…” (political joke)
A joke about the difference between an accident (or mishap or misfortune) and a calamity (or catastrophe or misfortune) appears to have been first told in France and was published in the the Leeds…
“If God didn’t make it, don’t take it”
"If nature didn't make it, don't take it" is a health saying that has beenprinted on many images. The saying is usually attributed to Alfredo Darrington Bowman (1933-2016), also…
“If government can suspend your rights anytime it deems something a crisis, you don’t have rights”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in, essentially, medical martial law. Many people were locked down in their homes. by order of state governors. "If the government can suspend your…
“If government can’t fix potholes, how can it fix the planet?”
"Statism is the belief that a group of people who can't fix potholes can fix an entire planet" is an anti-government saying that has been pritned on several images. "STATISM IS…
“If government is the answer, it was a stupid question”
"If government is the answer, it was a stupid question" is an anti-government saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "If more government is the answer,…
“If guns cause crime, do cameras cause child porn?”
"If guns cause crime, do cameras cause child porn?" is a saying that has been printed on an image. "If guns cause crime then video cameras cause pornography" was posted on the…
“If guns cause crime, then cameras cause pornography”
"If guns cause crime, do cameras cause child porn?" is a saying that has been printed on an image. "If guns cause crime then video cameras cause pornography" was posted on the…
“If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson”
"If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson" is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. "Do guns cause murder? Do matches cause arson?" was printed in the The…
“If guns kill people, do pencils misspell words?”
"If guns kill people, do pencils misspell words?" and "If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk and spoons make people fat" are pro-gun sayings that…
“If guns kill people, how does anyone get out of a gun show alive?”
"Guns don't kill people -- people kill people" is a famous pro-gun (pro-Second Amendment) saying. "If guns kill people, how does anyone get out of a gun show alive?" is a…
“If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk and spoons make people fat”
"If guns kill people, do pencils misspell words?" and "If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk and spoons make people fat" are pro-gun sayings that…
“If I agree, it’s free speech. If I disagree, it’s hate speech”
"If I agree, it's free speech. If I disagree, it's hate speech" is a saying that has been printed on an image. "Free speech is only free if the left agrees with it. If they…
“If I could cure cancer, you’d say that I put doctors out of work” (bad press)
"If I (a politician) could cure cancer, you'd (the press would) say that I put doctors out of work" is a saying about someone who can never get honest press coverage, no matter what…
“If I could walk on water, you’d say that I can’t swim” (bad press)
Jesus walking on water is recorded in three of the Gospels of the New Testament. Walking on water (a miracle) is often compared to swimming (a normal activity). A joke circulated in 1945 that…
“If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria—powerhouse of the cell”
Mitochondrion ("mitochondria" is the plural) is known as the powerhouse of the cell. There have been several jokes about "prison" cells. "If I ever go to jail I'm gna…