“I’m about to have a cup of dangerous coffee. Safe tea first though”
"Safety first" is a slogan that has been used since the early 1900s. "Safe-Tea First" is a pun that was used in Ridgways Tea advertisments from October 1914. A jocular saying…
“I’m about to have my favorite alcoholic drink. It’s called A Lot”
"Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called 'a lot'" (or "Tonight, I'll be having my favorite drink. It's called a lot") is a…
“I’m addicted to seaweed. I must seek kelp”
"Kelp" sounds like "help," and there have been several puns. "Being addicted to seaweed is a cry for kelp" was posted on Twitter on September 5, 2011. "I've…
“I’m aging like a fine banana”
"Aging like fine wine" is a saying meaning that someone/something is getting better with age. Bananas spoil very quickly. "Aging like a fine banana" means that someone/something…
“I’m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I break out in handcuffs”
"I'm allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I break out in handcuffs" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I have an allergy to alcohol; when I drink I…
“I’m allergic to food. I break out in fat”
"I'm allergic to food. I break out in fat" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images. Newspapers.com12 April 1974, News-Herald (Port Clinton, OH), "Jottings…
“I’m allergic to green onions. Every time I eat them, I break out in chives”
"Hives" shouldn't be confused with "chives," but there are jokes. "And I have chives on my face. Great, I hate it when I break out in chives. Ugh" was posted on…
“I’m allergic to rice. I’m basmatic”
There's a difference between "asthmatic" (asthma) and "basmatic" (basmati rice), but there have been jokes. This was printed in the Sunday Mail (Glasgow, Scotland) on…
“I’m always DTE (Down To Eat)”
"I'm Always DTE (Down To Eat)" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "DTE" is a variation on "DTF" (Down To Fuck). There is also "DTE" (Down…
“I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me”
"I'm an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me" is a ocular food saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“I’m an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December I’m eggnogstic”
"Eggnogstic" (eggnog + agnostic) is a jocular term that has been cited in print since at least 1885. "What do you call a religious skeptic drinking a common December beverage?…
“I’m an overacheeser”
The word "overacheeser" is a jocular formation of "overachiever" with "cheese" added. "I'm an overacheeser" has been printed on many images.…
“I’m combining Easter and April Fools’ Day. I’m sending the kids to look for eggs I haven’t hidden”
An April joke involving both April Fools' Day and Easter is: "I'm combining Easter and April Fools day this year -- I'm sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven't…
“I’m doing my best to remove the word ‘chocolate’ from my vocadbury”
"is struggling to remove the word chocolate from his voCadbury" was posted on Twitter by Colin G. Hill on July 23, 2009. "Vocadbury" is a jocular portmanteau word from…
“I’m drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is”
"2% milk" refers to the fat content of the milk, but there's a popular joke: "If it's 2% milk, what's the other 98%?" "I always wondered if it was 2% milk,…
“I’m drinking vodka and prune juice. I call it a pile driver”
A "Screwdriver" is a cocktail of vodka and orange juice. A "Piledriver" (or "Pile Driver") is sometimes said to be a cocktail of vodka and prune juice (a laxative that…
“I’m eating just in case I get hungry in the future”
"I'm eating just in case I get hungry in the future" is a jocular saying that has become popular on Twitter. The saying first appeared on Twitter with several tweets on November 14,…
“I’m fat, but I identify as skinny. I’m trans-slender”
"Trans-slender" or "translender" is a pun on "transgender." "Um no I'm not fat I'm very translender" was posted on Twitter by Van on May 9, 2015.…
“I’m fat, but I identify as skinny. I’m translender”
"Trans-slender" or "translender" is a pun on "transgender." "Um no I'm not fat I'm very translender" was posted on Twitter by Van on May 9, 2015.…
“I’m fat, but I identify as slim. I’m trans-slender”
"Trans-slender" or "translender" is a pun on "transgender." "Um no I'm not fat I'm very translender" was posted on Twitter by Van on May 9, 2015.…