“I want my food dead—not sick, not wounded—dead”
A line in Woody Allen's 1966 Broadway comedy, Don't Drink the Water, has become much-quoted with food writers: "WALTER. I will not eat oysters. They're alive when you eat them.…
“I want to grow my own food, but I can’t find any bacon seeds”
"I want to grow my own food, but I can’t find any bacon seeds" -- bacon does not have seeds -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm trying to be…
“I want to grow my own food, but I haven’t been able to find donut seeds”
Donuts (or "doughnuts") aren't healthy and do not grow from seeds, but there are jokes. "Was thinking today i might try to grow some of my own food... Where do you buy donut and…
“I want to grow my own food, but no one makes pizza seeds”
"I want to grow my own food, but no one makes pizza seeds" is a jocular one-line saying. "I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds" was cited on Twitter on…
“I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers”
The Food Network often gets its viewers hungry. "I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. "Wonders if the…
“I want to make pancakes, but I keep waffling”
"I want to make pancakes, but I keep waffling" -- "waffling" is a joke on "waffles" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on a sign. "This morning the…
“I want to start juicing but I’m hesitant because I don’t know how to juice tacos”
"I want to start juicing but I'm hesitant because I don't know how to juice tacos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I want to start juicing, but I’m hesitant because I don’t know how to juice pizza”
"I want to start juicing, but I'm hesitant because I don't know how to juice a pizza" is a jocular saying about juicing that has been printed on an image. According to the…
“I want to start selling an alcoholic fermented rice wine spiked with viagra—For Fucks Saké”
Saké is Japanese rice wine. It looks like the word "sake," and is sometimes used jocularly in the expression "for fuck's sake." "for fuck's sake (like for…
“I want to stop drinking coffee but the owner of Starbucks has a family to feed”
"I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations of the…
“I wanted still water.”/“This is sparkling, yes, but it’s still water.”
"Still water" is a term that has had a few puns, such as this one, posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on April 11, 2017: "What do you get if you take the bubbles out of sparkling water? I…
“I wanted to buy a half a rabbit, but the butcher didn’t want to split hares”
A "hare"/"hair" pun was published in Family Weekly magazine in November 1976: A woman who lived alone had an urge to cook a rabbit stew when she saw a rabbit displayed in a…
“I wanted to go out tonight, but the avocado I bought last week will finally be ripe…” (joke)
An avocado is ripe for only a very brief time, and there are jokes. "I wanted to go out tonight, but the avocado I bought this wk will finally be ripe enough to eat between 8pm-8:15pm -- so I…
“I wanted to go to the gym tonight, but the avocado I bought last week will finally be ripe…”
An avocado is ripe for only a very brief time, and there are jokes. "I wanted to go out tonight, but the avocado I bought this wk will finally be ripe enough to eat between 8pm-8:15pm -- so I…
“I wanted to say everything was okie dokie artichokie, but to be honest it’s been extra horrendous asparagus”
"I wanted to say everything was okie dokie artichokie but to be honest it’s been extra horrendous asparagus" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images, credited to a…
“I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed”
"I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations of the…
“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight”
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight" said comedian Rita Rudner, who was probably exaggerating her vegetarianism. The one-line saying has been published on many…
“I was addicted to eating frozen poultry, but I quit cold turkey”
"Cold turkey" is defined as a sudden stop to a dependency (such as smoking or drugs). "Now Xmas is over for my new years resolution i’m going to beat my addiction to frozen poultry…
“I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought, wow, this is ledge ‘n dairy”
The word "legendary" has had some "ledge and dairy" (or "ledge 'n' dairy") puns. "Ledge n dairy" was posted on Twitter by Dan on March 12, 2009.…
“I was eating green onions when all of a sudden, I started rhyming. They were rap scallions”
If a scallion starts to rhyme, does that make it a "rap scallion"? There have been many puns. "And J.M. is an unsavory rap-scallion"/"Scallions do rap music? I did not know…