“I’d make a veggie joke, but no one would carrot all”
"Carrot" sounds a bit like "care at." "I'd make a veggie joke, but no one would carrot all" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I’d rather be fishing”
"I'd rather be fishing" is a saying that has been on many items, such as bumper stickers, license plate holders, T-shirts and hats. The "I'd Rather Be Fishing" bumper…
“I’d rather be someone’s shot of tequila than everyone’s cup of tea”
Entry in progress -- B.P.
“I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea”
"I'd rather be someone's shot of espresso/tequila/vodka/whiskey than everyone's cup of tea" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Someone's…
“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy”
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy" is one of the most famous of modern drinking quips. But who said it first? The musician Tom Waits said the line on…
“I’ll be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels”
"I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight variations. "I'll be…
“I’ll be Irish in a few beers”
"I'll be Irish in a few beers" (a pun on "in a few years") is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "Let everybody know you're ready…
“I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly”
"I'll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly" is a jocular drinking saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Benji…
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I GAF about your opinion of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a damn about your opinion of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I’ll have the chef’s salad.”/“That’s so rude. Just order your own!”
A "chef's salad" is a salad construction by a chef. It is not a salad that a chef eats, but there are jokes. "Winds us up that every restaurant serves 'Chef's…
“I’ll have what she’s having!”
Katz's Deli, 205 East Houston Street. Meg Ryan. Billy Crystal. When Harry Met Sally... (1989), directed by Rob Reiner, with a screenplay by Nora Ephron. Harry and Sally are seated. Sally fakes…
“I’ll take a coffee with my sunshine”
"I'll take (a) coffee with my sunshine" is a morning coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I'll take a coffee with my sunshine" (shown on an image) was…
“I’ll take coffee with my sunshine”
"I'll take (a) coffee with my sunshine" is a morning coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I'll take a coffee with my sunshine" (shown on an image) was…
“I’ll take the lobster home to dinner” (joke)
Lobsters are sold live, and there is a joke about someone getting a live lobster. "Great! I'll take him home to dinner!" the receiving person declares. "Oh no, don't do…
“I’m a baker for the army. When I go to war, I go in all buns glazing”
"Buns glazing" is a spoonerism for "guns blazing." "Just hit town with his buns glazing" was posted to the newsgroup rec.audio.pro on December 23, 2001. A popular joke…
“I’m a better person when I’m tan and holding a margarita”
"I'm a better person when I'm tan and holding a margarita" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm a better person when I'm tan and holding a…
“I’m a chemical engineer. I convert beer and wine into urine”
The "convert beer into urine joke" has been popular since at least the 1990s. About 2008, a joke called the "Wisdom of a Retiree" circulated from an uncredited source:…
“I’m a collector of empty bottles. That sounds better than alcoholic”
Does "collector of empty bottles" sound better than "alcoholic"? "My friends is a collector. Of empty bottles. Sounds SO much better than 'an alcoholic',…