“I went to cinema last night and saw a movie about cheese. It was G rated”
"G-rated" (a movie rating meaning "All ages admitted. Nothing that would offend parents for viewing by children") shouldn't be confused with "grated," but there…
“I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day. Bought a Bing, bought a boom”
"Bada bing, bada boom!" is an expression to emphasize something regarded as surprising, sudden, effortlessly achieved or impressive. There have been many puns on the expression, with a…
“I went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite, but ended up picking 7 Up”
Sprite (a lemon and lime-flavored soft drink) is often mistaken for 7 Up, and there's a popular joke. "@davelee Just been done for shoplifting in Tesco. Thought I'd gone to the…
“I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. A sign read: ‘Bread in captivity’”
"Bred in captivity" is sometimes punned as "bread in captivity." A joke was posted on Twitter by "milk" on August 21, 2011: "I went to the zoo and saw a piece…
“I will be back on my feet just as soon as the coffee reaches life supporting levels”
"I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight variations. "I'll be…
“I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels”
"I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight variations. "I'll be…
“I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I will not be seen, until I have my caffeine”
"I will not be seen, until I have my caffeine" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I will not be seen until I have my CAFFEINE" (shown on a sign) was…
“I will start working when my coffee does”
"I will start working when my coffee does" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as coffee mugs, posters and T-shirts. "I start working when the coffee…
“I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level”
"I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level" is a jocular one-line ice cream saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on…
“I wish dogs lived longer and life wasn’t so expensive and leftover fries still tasted good heated up”
"I wish pets lived longer and life wasn't so expensive and leftover fries were still good warmed up and people didn't suck" and "I wish pets lived longer and life…
“I wish drinking green beer wasn’t the closest you’ll come to eating a vegetable”
"I wish drinking green beer on St. Patrick's Day wasn't the closest you'll come this year to eating a vegetable" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“I wish everything was as easy as getting fat”
"I wish everything was as easy as getting fat" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I wish everything was as easy as getting fat" was posted on Twitter on…
“I wish I could be the person I thought I could be when I bought all this produce”
Some people buy healthy foods, but then don't like to eat them. "I wish I could be the person I thought I could be when I bought all this produce" is a jocular food saying that has…
“I wish I could speak mandarin. Then I could talk to oranges”
A mandarin orange doesn't speak Mandarin, but there are jokes. "In a Rosetta Stone commercial, a lady claims to know Mandarin. I had no idea oranges could speak! And with such zest.…
“I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat”
"I wish I was as thin as I actually was, back when I thought I was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "My wife will often say: I wish I was as thin as I was when…
“I wish I was as skinny as I was back when I thought I was fat”
"I wish I was as thin as I actually was, back when I thought I was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "My wife will often say: I wish I was as thin as I was when…
“I wish I was as skinny as when I thought I was fat”
"I wish I was as thin as I actually was, back when I thought I was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "My wife will often say: I wish I was as thin as I was when…
“I wish I was as thin as I actually was, back when I thought I was fat”
"I wish I was as thin as I actually was, back when I thought I was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "My wife will often say: I wish I was as thin as I was when…
“I wish I was as thin as I was when I thought I was fat”
"I wish I was as thin as I actually was, back when I thought I was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "My wife will often say: I wish I was as thin as I was when…