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August 25, 2021
Education/Schools

“If studying history always makes you feel proud and happy, you probably aren’t studying history”

A saying about studying history was posted on Twitter by Librarianshipwreck on September 17, 2020: "Studying history will sometimes make you uncomfortable.Studying history will sometimes make…

April 14, 2021
Education/Schools

“If the only job you can get is to teach the same subject you graduated at, it’s a pyramid scheme”

Many people get university degrees (especially in humanities fields), and then the only job available is to teach that subject. "If the only job you can get with your degree is a…

October 31, 2022
Art/SculptureEducation/Schools

“If thieves wear sneakers and artists wear sketchers, do linguists wear converse?”

Converse shoes have nothing to do with conversations or conversing, but there are jokes. "What kind of shoes do linguists wear? converse" was posted on Reddit -- Funny on October 10,…

October 19, 2024
Education/SchoolsGovernment/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If trade schools teach trades and religious schools teach religion, then what do state schools teach?”

What do state schools teach? "If trade schools teach trades, and religious schools teach religion, then what do state schools teach?" was posted on Facebook by Justin Damask on May 23,…

January 16, 2020
Education/Schools

“If we all just switched to cursive and stick shift cars, we could cripple a generation”

People don't write in cursive or drive stick shift cars like they used to. "If we all just switched to cursive and stick shift cars, we could cripple an entire generation" is a…

June 27, 2020
Education/Schools

“If you abbreviate in sign language, is it called short hand?”

"Are abbreviations in sign language called 'shorthand'?" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by J. W. Sullivan on September 17, 2011. "If you abbreviate in sign language,…

April 11, 2015
Education/Schools

“If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you…”

"If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many posters. The saying was…

October 11, 2018
Education/Schools

“If you can read this, I’m not impressed. Most people can read” (bumper sticker)

"If you can read this, I'm not impressed. Most people can read" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. "If you can read this, you're too…

December 31, 2019
Education/Schools

“If you can read this, thank a teacher…and ef yoo kan rid ths yoo prebli ar a teecha”

Students often have poor spelling, but teachers can usually read it and correct it. "If you can read this, thank a teacher...and ef yoo kan rid ths yoo prebli ar a teecha" is a jocular…

November 6, 2022
Education/Schools

“If you don’t know what ‘prefix’ means, don’t worry—it’s not the end of the word”

"It’s okay if you don’t know what 'prefix' means. It’s not the end of the word" is a joke that has been printed on several images. "Prefix" is the beginning of a…

September 30, 2012
Education/Schools

“If you educate a woman, you educate a nation”

"If you educate a woman, you educate a family/nation" is a much-cited education adage that has been credited to many people. Catherine Esther Beecher (1800-1878), an American educator,…

February 6, 2017
Education/Schools

“If you fail your kindergarten coloring book exam, you need a shoulder to crayon”

The expression "a shoulder to cry on" is often changed to the pun "a shoulder to crayon." "I'm really upset that I can't find a body part to draw, I need a…

June 25, 2018
Education/Schools

“If you found $5 in every pocket of your coat, what would you have?”/“Someone else’s coat.”

This math joke was printed in 1936: Teacher: If you had fifty cents in your right hand pocket, and seventy-five cents in your left hand pocket, what would you have?Student: I'd have on…

March 19, 2021
Education/Schools

“If you see a class being taught by Gandalf, avoid it because YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

Gandalf is a protagonist in J. R. R. Tolkien's novels The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Many jokes have Gandalf as a teacher, shouting his famous line. "COLLEGE JOKE | I went to LOTR…

May 19, 2020
Education/Schools

“If you see me talking to myself, mind your business. I’m having a parent teacher conference.”

Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreakThe 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is an ongoing global pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by severe acute…

June 3, 2020
Education/Schools

“If you see my kids crying outside & picking weeds, just keep on driving. They’re on a field trip”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic closed many schools, and many parents were homeschooling for the first time. "Field trips" were a little different. This was posted on Facebook by…

June 1, 2020
Education/Schools

“If you see my kids locked outside today, mind your business. We are having a fire drill”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in the closing of many schools. Many parents were homeschooling for the first time. "If you see my kids locked outside today, mind your business! We…

September 16, 2020
Education/Schools

“If you sin 90 times you’ll only get caught 50% of the time because sin90 = cot45”

"If you sin 90 times, you get caught 45 times. Because sin90 = cot 45!" was posted on Twitter by Abhijeet R.Bhalerao on August 28, 2010. This is a math joke about "sine"…

July 20, 2024
Education/Schools

“If you tell chemistry jokes you will have nitrogen, oxygen, lithium and iron”

"Us chem nerds have nitrogen oxygen lithium iron" was posted on X/Twitter on Decembe 21, 2012. "IF YOU TELL CHEMISTRY JOKES YOU WILL HAVE NITROGEN, OXYGEN, LITHIUM AND IRON" was…

July 17, 2012
Education/Schools

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance”

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance" is a popular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, buttons and bumper stickers. The exact wording of this…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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