“If you can read this, I’m not impressed. Most people can read” (bumper sticker)
"If you can read this, I'm not impressed. Most people can read" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. "If you can read this, you're too…
“If you can read this, thank a teacher…and ef yoo kan rid ths yoo prebli ar a teecha”
Students often have poor spelling, but teachers can usually read it and correct it. "If you can read this, thank a teacher...and ef yoo kan rid ths yoo prebli ar a teecha" is a jocular…
“If you don’t know what ‘prefix’ means, don’t worry—it’s not the end of the word”
"It’s okay if you don’t know what 'prefix' means. It’s not the end of the word" is a joke that has been printed on several images. "Prefix" is the beginning of a…
“If you educate a woman, you educate a nation”
"If you educate a woman, you educate a family/nation" is a much-cited education adage that has been credited to many people. Catherine Esther Beecher (1800-1878), an American educator,…
“If you fail your kindergarten coloring book exam, you need a shoulder to crayon”
The expression "a shoulder to cry on" is often changed to the pun "a shoulder to crayon." "I'm really upset that I can't find a body part to draw, I need a…
“If you found $5 in every pocket of your coat, what would you have?”/“Someone else’s coat.”
This math joke was printed in 1936: Teacher: If you had fifty cents in your right hand pocket, and seventy-five cents in your left hand pocket, what would you have?Student: I'd have on…
“If you see a class being taught by Gandalf, avoid it because YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
Gandalf is a protagonist in J. R. R. Tolkien's novels The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Many jokes have Gandalf as a teacher, shouting his famous line. "COLLEGE JOKE | I went to LOTR…
“If you see me talking to myself, mind your business. I’m having a parent teacher conference.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreakThe 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is an ongoing global pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by severe acute…
“If you see my kids crying outside & picking weeds, just keep on driving. They’re on a field trip”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic closed many schools, and many parents were homeschooling for the first time. "Field trips" were a little different. This was posted on Facebook by…
“If you see my kids locked outside today, mind your business. We are having a fire drill”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in the closing of many schools. Many parents were homeschooling for the first time. "If you see my kids locked outside today, mind your business! We…
“If you sin 90 times you’ll only get caught 50% of the time because sin90 = cot45”
"If you sin 90 times, you get caught 45 times. Because sin90 = cot 45!" was posted on Twitter by Abhijeet R.Bhalerao on August 28, 2010. This is a math joke about "sine"…
“If you tell chemistry jokes you will have nitrogen, oxygen, lithium and iron”
"Us chem nerds have nitrogen oxygen lithium iron" was posted on X/Twitter on Decembe 21, 2012. "IF YOU TELL CHEMISTRY JOKES YOU WILL HAVE NITROGEN, OXYGEN, LITHIUM AND IRON" was…
“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance”
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance" is a popular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, buttons and bumper stickers. The exact wording of this…
“If you thought you hated homework as a child, trust me, you’ll hate it more as a parent”
"Hated homework when I was in school, hate it more as a parent" was posted on Twitter by Jo-Ann Rogan on April 14, 2010. "I hated homework as a kid, I swear I hate it more as a…
“If you want to get laid, go to college; if you want an education, go to the library”
"If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library" is a popular quotation credited to the musician Frank Zappa (1940-1993). Zappa loved libraries, but…
“If you were anti-pencil, would you be erasist?”
"Erasist" (or "eracist"), meaning someone who erases, sounds like "racist." A joke was told by Arin Hanson of Game Grumps on a YouTube video on March 3, 2014: "If…
“If you’re down by the schoolyard, stay away from Rosie. She’s the Queen of Corona”
New York City-raised singer-songwriter Paul Simon sang these lyrics in the song "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" (1972): "Goodbye to Rosie, the queen of Corona." Simon was…
“If you’re having trouble understanding fractions, don’t worry, our helpline is open 24/7”
"The Improper Fractions Helpline is now open 24/7" is a math joke that has been printed on coffee mugs. "My top-heavy fractions helpline is now open 24/7" was posted on Twitter…
“If you’re homeschooled, all your work is homework”
Many people are schooled at home. "Since I am home schooled all my work is homework" was posted on Twitter on February 12, 2009. "Being home schooled all work is homework. *lame…
“If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room”
"If you're the smartest person in the room, then you're in the wrong room" is a saying that has been printed on many posters. The saying is usually not credited to any author.…