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July 11, 2025
Education/Schools

“If actions are louder than words, then why are we learning English instead of Kung Fu?”

"Actions speak louder than words" is an old proverb. "If actions speak louder than words, why do we learn English instead of Kung Fu?" is a jocular saying that has been printed…

July 11, 2025
Education/Schools

“If actions speak louder than words, why do we learn English instead of Kung Fu?”

"Actions speak louder than words" is an old proverb. "If actions speak louder than words, why do we learn English instead of Kung Fu?" is a jocular saying that has been printed…

September 17, 2011
Education/Schools

“If all your troubles are behind you, you must be a school bus driver”

For a school bus driver, the problems often aren't so much the traffic in front of the bus as are the children in the back of the bus. "If all your troubles are behind you, you must be a…

October 31, 2022
Art/SculptureEducation/Schools

“If artists wear Sketchers, do linguists wear Converse?”

Converse shoes have nothing to do with conversations or conversing, but there are jokes. "What kind of shoes do linguists wear? converse" was posted on Reddit -- Funny on October 10,…

January 25, 2025
Education/SchoolsGovernment/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If children started school at six months old and their teachers gave them walking lessons…”

Many people believe that they can't exist without government schools -- rather than home schooling --just because things have long been this way. This was posted on X/Twitter by Geoff Graham…

February 8, 2018
Education/Schools

“If confusion is the beginning of wisdom, I am totally on the right track”

"Confusion s the beginning of wisdom" is a saying of uncertain authorship. U.S. General Walter Bedell "Beetle" Smith (1895-1961) said this, as quoted in a 1992 book: “All I…

May 27, 2020
Education/Schools

“If graduation can’t be done at a gym or a football field, perhaps grads could walk thru Walmart”

Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreakThe 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is an ongoing global pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by severe acute…

July 5, 2017
Education/Schools

“If homework is to read something, there is no homework”

If students are assigned to read something for homework, they often don't read it. "If the homework is to revise or read something then there is no homework" was posted on…

April 1, 2018
Education/Schools

“If I had to describe myself in three words, I would say, ‘Not very good at maths’”

A math joke was posted on Twitter by Sanjeev Kohli on November 27, 2012: "If I were to describe myself in three words, I would probably say 'really not very good at maths.'"…

September 6, 2014
Education/Schools

“If it moves, it’s biology; If it smells, it’s chemistry; If it doesn’t work, it’s physics”

A popular saying about science demonstrations has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, posters and coffee mugs: "If it moves, it's biology.If it smells, it's…

October 19, 2024
Education/SchoolsGovernment/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If Jewish schools teach Judaism, Catholic schools teach Catholicism and Islamic schools teach Islamism, then what do government schools teach?”

What do state schools teach? "If trade schools teach trades, and religious schools teach religion, then what do state schools teach?" was posted on Facebook by Justin Damask on May 23,…

December 22, 2015
Education/Schools

“If number two pencils are so popular, why are they still number two?”

No. 2 pencils are often required on standardized tests. The name "No. 2" refers to the graphite grading scale. A popular joke has been cited in print since at least 1998: "If a…

July 4, 2017
Education/Schools

“If one teacher can’t teach every subject, why does one student have to learn them all?”

"If one teacher can't teach every subject, why does one student have to learn them all?" is an education question that has been printed on an image. "If one Teacher can’t…

March 3, 2024
Banking/Finance/InsuranceEducation/SchoolsGovernment/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If printing money would end poverty, printing diplomas would end stupidity”

"Pensar que imprimiendo billetes se acaba con la pobreza es como pensar que imprimiendo diplomas se acaba con la ignorancia" ("Thinking that printing banknotes ends poverty is like…

March 31, 2015
Education/Schools

“If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?”

"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?" is a one-line pun on the word "testicle." "If a small quiz is a quizzical, what's a small test?" was cited in print in…

October 19, 2024
Education/SchoolsGovernment/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If religious schools teach religion and trade schools teach trade, then what do state schools teach?”

What do state schools teach? "If trade schools teach trades, and religious schools teach religion, then what do state schools teach?" was posted on Facebook by Justin Damask on May 23,…

March 8, 2016
Education/Schools

“If school isn’t a place to sleep, then home isn’t a place to study”

"If school isn't a place to sleep, then home isn't a place to study" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "If the school is not a place to sleep so the…

April 20, 2017
Education/Schools

“If sleep is so important, then why does school start so early?”

"If sleep is so important, then why does school start so early?" is a jocular one-line school saying that has been printed on many images. Many schools start the day before 9 a.m.…

January 30, 2023
Education/Schools

“If socialist college professors believed their own propaganda, wouldn’t they teach for free?”

"If socialist college professors believed their own propaganda, wouldn't they teach for free?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "IF SOCIALIST COLLEGE PROFESSORS…

May 7, 2025
Education/SchoolsGovernment/Law/Military/Religion /HealthWork/Businesses

“If someone’s job requires an ‘appreciation week’ it means they’re not getting paid enough”

"If someone's job requires an 'appreciation week' it means they're not getting paid enough" (or "If your job comes with an 'appreciation week,' you’re…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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