“I feel like they are adding street lights to my electric bill”
"I feel like they are adding street lights to my electric bill" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the electric bill is expensive. Various energy companies have…
“I feel like they be adding the street lights to my light bill”
"I feel like they are adding street lights to my electric bill" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the electric bill is expensive. Various energy companies have…
“I feel so strongly about graffiti in public toilets that I’ve signed a partition”
"Petition" shouldn't be confused with " partition," but there are jokes. "I feel so strongly about toilet graffiti, I signed a partition" was posted on the…
“I fell off a 30 foot ladder yesterday. I’m fine, I was only on the second rung”
A joke has it that a person fell off a tall ladder (25 or 50 or 90 or 100 feet). Then, however, it is revealed that the person slipped on only the second rung. The ladder joke has been cited in…
“I found a builder who advertises ‘No job too small’ so I’ve got him tiling the doll’s house”
"No job too small" is what some companies advertise. A joke is: "Found a builder who advertises 'No job too small' so I've got him tiling the bathroom in my…
“I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor”
Many people put political signs in their yards, and this sometimes gets confused with realty signs. "Remember to double check lawn signs this Primary Election Season, I almost voted for a…
“I got fired from my lawn maintenance job. I just wasn’t cutting it”
Entry in progress -- BP Reddit -- DadjokesPosted by u/porichoygupto August 28, 2019I got fired from my lawn maintenance job.I just wasn’t cutting it. Reddit -- JokesPosted by u/thedaddy71 August…
“I got in trouble at a park for lining squirrels up by height. They didn’t like me critter sizing”
"Criticizing" shouldn't be confused with "critter sizing," but there are jokes. “I am just critter sizing!” was printed in the Lyons (KS) Daily News on November 13,…
“I hate people who bang on your door and tell you to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’ Stupid firemen”
"Don't you just hate those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you how you need to be 'saved' or you'll 'burn'? Bloody firemen" was posted on…
“I hate when political candidates put their signs up in my front yard. Who’s Foreclosure?”
House foreclosure yard signs shouldn't be confused with political yard signs. A joke was posted by Katie Parker on Twitter on June 20, 2016: "I hate it when candidates put signs on…
“I hate when someone rings my doorbell because then I have to pretend I’m not home”
"I hate when someone rings my doorbell because then I have to drop whatever I'm doing to be silent and pretend I'm not home" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable”
A lawn joke is: "I have a chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable. English writer and comedian Tim Vine told the joke in 2012. . Wikipedia: Tim Vine Timothy Mark "Tim" Vine (born 4…
“I have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder”
Are step-ladders like step-fathers? "I have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder" is a popular joke of uncertain origin. "It's not my REAL ladder. It's my…
“I have furniture that goes back to Louis the 14th. That is, unless I can pay him by the 13th”
People who have furniture that goes back to the era of Louis XIV (1638-1715) like to brag about it, and there's a popular joke. "I have furniture that goes back to Louis the 14th... that…
“I haven’t seen faith move mountains, but I have seen what faith can do to buildings”
Jokes about the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City's World Trade Center are numerous, although not always politically correct. One joke/saying is: "I haven't seen…
“I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic cancelled the vacation plans of many people. They stayed at home instead. "After work I’m taking a little trip to Puerto Backyarda for the day. Bon voyage!…
“I just can’t handle automatic doors”
Automatic doors open without touching them. "I just can’t handle automatic doors" was posted on Twitter by David Lamb on June 3, 2019. "I JUST CAN'T HANDLE AUTOMATIC…
“I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I didn’t like my attitude and I got caught drinking”
"I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I didn’t/don't like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Saw this on…
“I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I don’t like my attitude and I got caught drinking”
"I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I didn’t/don't like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Saw this on…
“I just sprayed fruit scented Febreze in my bathroom. Now it smells like shitrus”
A citrus air freshener sprayed in the bathroom can wind up smelling like "shitrus" (shit + citrus). "Shitrus" was entered in the Urban Dictionary on January 23, 2008.…