“I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitoes find me attractive”
"I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, by "find me attractive" it's…
“I don’t have a welcome mat at my door because I’m not a liar”
Many people don't like visitors at their home. "I don't have a welcome mat at my door/ouse because I'm not a liar" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There…
“I don’t have a welcome mat at my house because I’m not a liar”
Many people don't like visitors at their home. "I don't have a welcome mat at my door/ouse because I'm not a liar" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There…
“I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterSteve Mazepa@zepadeedoodahStairs are always up to something...10:20 PM - 4 Aug 2011 TwitterNegrito Cobblepot@tiptopstopWhy can't you trust stairs?…
“I don’t trust trees. They’re shady”
"I don't trust trees. They're shady" is a pun that has been printed on several images. "RT @LateUpdate You can't trust trees. Don't ask why; there's just…
“I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they got the WHOLE OUTSIDE”
"I don't understand why bugs come inside when they got the WHOLE OUTSIDE" is a saying that has been printed on many images "Bugs Have so much outside, why they so pressed to…
“I don’t like stairlifts. They drive me up the wall”
Do stairlifts drive people up a wall (an expression meaning "crazy")? "I don't think I would ever purchase a stairlift. They would drive me up the wall" was posted on…
“I don’t think I’ve ever cleaned my bathroom mirror, which reflects badly on me”
Something that "reflects badly" on someone is usually not meant literally, but there are jokes. "I need to look at cleaning my bathroom mirror its really dirty. It reflects badly on…
“I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they got a WHOLE outside!!”
"I don't understand why bugs come inside when they got the WHOLE OUTSIDE" is a saying that has been printed on many images "Bugs Have so much outside, why they so pressed to…
“I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves”
"I don't understand why bugs come inside when they got the WHOLE OUTSIDE" is a saying that has been printed on many images "Bugs Have so much outside, why they so pressed to…
“I dusted once. It came back. I’m not falling for that again”
"Dusted once. It came back. Not falling for that again" (or "I dusted once. It came back. I'm not falling for that again") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I farted in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels”
"From Chris Purdy's Facebook Status: I farted in the lift at work this morning.... it was wrong on so many levels" was posted on Twitter on October 7, 2009. "I farted in an…
“I feel like they are adding street lights to my electric bill”
"I feel like they are adding street lights to my electric bill" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the electric bill is expensive. Various energy companies have…
“I feel like they be adding the street lights to my light bill”
"I feel like they are adding street lights to my electric bill" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the electric bill is expensive. Various energy companies have…
“I feel so strongly about graffiti in public toilets that I’ve signed a partition”
"Petition" shouldn't be confused with " partition," but there are jokes. "I feel so strongly about toilet graffiti, I signed a partition" was posted on the…
“I fell off a 30 foot ladder yesterday. I’m fine, I was only on the second rung”
A joke has it that a person fell off a tall ladder (25 or 50 or 90 or 100 feet). Then, however, it is revealed that the person slipped on only the second rung. The ladder joke has been cited in…
“I found a builder who advertises ‘No job too small’ so I’ve got him tiling the doll’s house”
"No job too small" is what some companies advertise. A joke is: "Found a builder who advertises 'No job too small' so I've got him tiling the bathroom in my…
“I found a way to get rid of some unwanted junk during the holidays. Put it in an Amazon box. Leave it on the porch”
"Need to get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays? Put it in Amazon boxes and leave it on your front porch" is a jocular saying that has been printed on may images. That is, people…
“I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor”
Many people put political signs in their yards, and this sometimes gets confused with realty signs. "Remember to double check lawn signs this Primary Election Season, I almost voted for a…
“I got fired from my lawn maintenance job. I just wasn’t cutting it”
Entry in progress -- BP Reddit -- DadjokesPosted by u/porichoygupto August 28, 2019I got fired from my lawn maintenance job.I just wasn’t cutting it. Reddit -- JokesPosted by u/thedaddy71 August…