“How do you break into a house?”/“Intruder window.”
"Intruder window" is an old joke for "in troo der window" or "in through the window." The joke ("he climbed intruder window") might have originated in the…
“How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?”/“You column.”
Greek architecture is known for its Doric, Ionic, and Corinthian columns. "Column" sounds like "call him" or "call 'em." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes…
“How do you get rid of a fat ghost in a house?”/“You exercise it.”
There are many "exercise" and "exorcise" puns. "We had a fat ghost haunting our house so I got our local gym instructor to exercise him" was posted on Twitter by Matt…
“How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard?”/“Put him in your back yard.”
A dog riddle is: Q: How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard? A: Put him in your back yard. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1991. “How do you stop a dog from barking…
“How do you know when Santa is in the room?”/“You can sense his presents.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How do you know when Santa is in the room?A: You can sense his presents (presence). The joke has been cited in print since at least 2010. Twitter Seth Caddell…
“How do you make a Venetian blind?”/“Poke him in the eye.”
The term "Venetian blind" (a type of window blind) is used in a classic riddle: Q: How do you make a Venetian blind?A: Poke him in the eye. The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“How do you stop a dog from barking in the back yard?”/“Put it in the front yard.”
A dog riddle is: Q: Who do you stop a dog from barking in the back yard?A: Put it in the front yard. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1983. “How do you keep a dog from barking in…
“How do you tell a male door from a female door?”/“One’s got a ding-dong, the other has knockers.”
A door riddle (containing sex slang) is: Q: How do you tell a male door from a female door? A: One's got a ding-dong, the other has knockers. The joke was posted on Twitter by Aman on…
“How do you unlock a haunted house?”/“With a skeleton key.”
A skeleton key is a master key that opens many doors. "Now I know how ghosts get into haunted houses. They use skeleton keys!" was printed in the Washington (DC) Post on November 28,…
“How does a kaiju find a home?”/“Through Godzillow.”
Godzilla is a famous fictional monster in Japanese films who often destroys houses. Zillow is an American online real estate marketplace company. There is no "Godzillow," but there are…
“How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?”/“Tenants.”
"Tenants" is a word that sets up the obvious joke: Q: How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?A: Ten ants (tenants). "How many ants make a landlord? 10 ants (tenants)" was…
“How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?” (riddle)
A popular "lightbulb joke" about divorced men is: Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? A: Who cares? They never get the house anyway. This version was posted on…
“How much did Santa’s sleigh cost?”/“Nothing, it was on the house.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How much did Santa's sleigh cost?A: Nothing, it was on the house. "On the house" means "free." The joke was posted on Twitter on December 3, 2011,…
“How to fall down stairs” (a step-by-step guide)
"spoken-not-written: how to fall down the stairs: a step by step guide by me. http://tmblr.co/Z26_txpZCtlO" was posted on Twitter on July 13, 2013. When people fall down the stairs, they…
“I act pretty tough for someone who lives in constant fear of ceiling fan blade flying off”
Many people go to sleep with a fear that the ceiling fan will fly off and hit them. "I act pretty tough for someone who lives in constant fear of ceiling fan blade flying off" was posted…
“I always double-check our garage door is closed at night. I don’t want someone stealing all the stuff we’ve been trying to get rid of for years”
Many people keep junk in the garage. This was posted on X/Twitter by McDad on July 28, 2022: "I always double-check our garage door is closed at night. I don’t want someone stealing all the…
“I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them”
"I am terrified of elevators. I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them" is an elevator pun that has been printed on many images. "In fact, I'm so opposed to space…
“I believe in God and guns. Trespass and you will meet both” (property sign)
"I believe in God and guns. Trespass and you will meet both" is a property sign that has been shown on many images.
“I bought a new weed-whacker today. It’s cutting hedge technology”
"Cutting hedge technology" is a pun on "cutting-edge technology." "Christopher Lloyd treats his garden to cutting-hedge technology" was printed in i> The Guardian…
“I bought one of those ‘smart’ light switches, but it was too clever for me..” (joke)
"Dimmer" switches aren't less intelligent than "smart" switches -- they're just less bright. A joke was posted on Twitter by TAYLOR (and others) on April 13, 2021:…