“I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx”
"I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx" is a popular pun on Twitter. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007 and is of unknown authorship.…
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs
“I dropped Parmesan on my laptop and called it Mac ‘n’ Cheese”
An iMac has nothing to do with macaroni and cheese, but there are jokes. "I just spilled some mozzarella from my pizza onto my laptop. Henceforth, I shall call my laptop Mac 'n'…
“I duck my head down while pulling into a parking garage to make sure my car fits”
"I tend to duck my head a little when I pull into the airport-parking garage so I don't hit my head" was printed in the book Women Fly (2001) by Martha Dreskin. "Today, I…
“I dusted once. It came back. I’m not falling for that again”
"Dusted once. It came back. Not falling for that again" (or "I dusted once. It came back. I'm not falling for that again") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I eat a lot of bread because it’s soft and I deserve it. Also I am gorgeous”
Many people like to eat a lot of bread because, well, they deserve it. This was posted on Tumblr by girlasabodyofwater in December 2018, and it received over 215,000 notes: "i eat a lot of…
“I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere”
"I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere" is a jocular line that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and cards. "I'm offering chocolate…
“I eat healthy during the daytime but what happens between 8 PM and 5 AM is between me and god”
Many people snack at night. This was posted on X/Twitter by Emily Murnane on June 22, 2022: "I eat healthy during the daytime but what happens between 8 PM and 5 AM is between me and…
“I eat hummus when I don’t know the words”
"Hummus" can sound like the words "hum us," so there are jokes. "Dad: Hey April do you like hummus? Me: Yes I do. Dad: That's because you don't know the…
“I eat my peas with honey; I’ve done it all my life…” (poem)
A frequently reprinted poem (attributed to "Anonymous") about food is: "I eat my peas with honey; I've done it all my life. It makes the peas taste funny, But it keeps them on…
“I eat salad every day. Bean salad…Coffee bean salad…Coffee. I drink coffee every day”
A joke has been printed on several images: "I eat salad every day.Bean salad.Coffee bean salad.Coffee.I drink coffee every day." The "I eat salad" joke was posted on Twitter on…
“I eat salads in front of my plants to assert dominance”
Entry in progress -- BP X/Twitter KiwiCairo @KiwiCairo "I eat salads in front of my house plants to remind them who's boss." -unknown #quotes 7:00 AM · Dec 22, 2012 X/Twitter…
“I eat tacos over a tortilla so when stuff falls out, BOOM!, another taco”
"I eat tacos over a tortilla so when stuff falls out, BOOM!, another taco" is a jocular line that has been printed on ecards. "Hey everyone, start eating tacos over a tortilla so…
“I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them”
"I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them" is a one-line saying about broken cookies that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on May 19,…
“I eat the same Indian bread as everyone else. I’m a naan conformist”
"Naan" sounds like "non" and has been used in several "naan conformist" puns. "One of said friends was pigging out on the Indian bread, so I immediately accused…
“I either drink coffee or I say bad words to strangers”
"I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I either drink COFFEE or say bad words to strangers" was…
“I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both”
"I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I either drink COFFEE or say bad words to strangers" was…
“I either drink coffee or say bad words to everyone”
"I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I either drink COFFEE or say bad words to strangers" was…
“I endorse podiums. That’s a product I can stand behind!”
Several jokes state that a podium is a product that a salesman can stand behind. However, you stand on a podium, and you stand behind a lectern. "It must really suck to be a podium salesman.…
“I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my sarcasm”
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I enjoy coffee on special occasions. Like ‘being alive’ and ‘existing’”
"I enjoy coffee on special occasions. Like 'being alive' and 'existing'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker clearly enjoys coffee,…