“Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween” (joke)
Jehovah's Witnesses are famous for knocking on the doors of people's homes. Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween, and many see irony in that. "Jehovah's…
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs
“Jell-O is the candy corn of Thanksgiving”
Various foods have been called "the candy corn of Thanksgiving." That is to say, like candy corn, it's a food mainly eaten on the holiday (as with candy corn and Halloween) and at no…
“Jello is just boneless bones”
Wikipedia: Jell-OJell-O is a variety of gelatin desserts (fruit-flavored gels), puddings, and no-bake cream pies. The original Jell-O gelatin dessert (genericized as jello) is the signature of the…
“Jellybeans imply the existence of peanut butter beans”
There are jellybeans, but no peanut butter beans. "I like jelly beans, but infinitely better would be peanut butter beans" was posted on Twitter by Ben Cobb on April 4, 2011. "Ok I…
“Jenga is the most depressing game. There are no winners. Just one loser who fucks everything up”
Jenga is a game where players take turns removing one block at a time from a tower of 54 blocks. If the tower collapses, that player "loses" and the other players "win."…
“Jerk Chicken: Shut the fuck up. Chicken Tender: *just starts crying*”
A conversation between "jerk chicken" (a chicken that's a jerk) and "chicken tender" (a chicken with tender feelings) probably would not go well. This was posted on Twitter…
“Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant…”
The 15th-century mural painting The Last Supper by Leonardo da Vinci shows Jesus and his disciples all on the same side of the table. "Shooting 1abt the Last Supper where Jesus asks for a…
“Jesus holds up the bread…” (joke)
A joke about the transubstantiation of Jesus -- adding mayonnaise -- was posted by huntigula on Twitter on January 5, 2015: [Jesus at Last Supper]*breaks bread* This is my body*pours wine* This is…
“Jesus invited prostitutes to dine with him and he’s the light of the world. I do it and I’m ‘making Thanksgiving awkward’”
A joke about Thanksgiving dinner guests was posted on X/Twitter by Steve vs. Ninjas on February 7, 2017, and this received over 1,800 likes: "Jesus invited prostitutes to dine with him and…
“Jesus is the reason for the season” (Christmas saying)
'Jesus is the reason for the season" is a saying that has been printed on many Christmas gift items. Some might have been thinking that shopping (consumerism) is the reason for the…
“Jesus saves, but the Mongol hordes” (“Jesus saves, but the Mongol hoards”)
"Jesus saves" is a popular saying and by 1965 there appeared the graffito "Jesus saves; Moses invests." A popular addition has been "Jesus saves, Moses invests, but the…
“Jesus Saves, Moses Invests”
"Jesus Saves" is a message that the Bible Society advertised since at least the 1960s. By at least 1965, someone added the following graffito to that message: "But Moses…
“Jesus took the wheel and now there’s no cheese on the charcuterie”
The song "Jesus, Take the Wheel" (2005), recorded by American country music artist Carrie Underwood, is not about a cheese wheel, but there are jokes. "JESUS TAKE THE CHEESE…
“Jesus turns water into wine. I turn wine into vomit”
The Gospel of John describes a miracle of Jesus -- the transformation of water into wine. "RT @jenfunkyjen Jesus turned water into wine. I'm going to turn decade-old boxed wine into…
“Jesus walks into a bar. The barman looks up…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An anti-joke involving Jesus (who can turn water into wine) is: "Jesus walks into a…
“Jesus walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A joke involving Jesus (who can turn water into wine) is: "Jesus walks into a bar and…
“Jesus wasn’t a socialist. He actually fed people”
It is often claimed that Jesus was a socialist. Conservatives countered this with a meme: "Jesus wasn't a socialist. He actually fed people." "Jesus wasn't a socialist. He…
“Jesus, take the cheese wheel”
The song "Jesus, Take the Wheel" (2005), recorded by American country music artist Carrie Underwood, is not about a cheese wheel, but there are jokes. "JESUS TAKE THE CHEESE…
“Jesus, take the wheel of cheese”
The song "Jesus, Take the Wheel" (2005), recorded by American country music artist Carrie Underwood, is not about a cheese wheel, but there are jokes. "JESUS TAKE THE CHEESE…
“Jesus: *takes the wheel* The Cheesemakers: Sonofabitch.”
The song "Jesus, Take the Wheel" (2005), recorded by American country music artist Carrie Underwood, is not about a cheese wheel, but there are jokes. "JESUS TAKE THE CHEESE…