“A good percentage of my friends are Nazis. That percentage is zero”
"A good percentage of my friends" usually means a high percentage, but this is not always the case. A joke was posted on Twitter by Perri Cassie on August 16, 2017: "A good…
Nicknames/Slogans
“A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow”
Voltaire (1694-1778) is credited with "the best is the enemy of the good." Prussian military theorist Carl von Clausewitz (1780-1831) is credited with "The greatest enemy of a good…
“A good pun is its own reword”
"Virtue is its own reward" is an old saying. "A good pun is its own reword" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "A good pun is its own reword"…
“A good putter is a match for anyone and a bad putter is a match for no one” (golf adage)
"A good putter is a match for anyone and a bad putter is a match for no one" is an old golf adage that is often credited to American golf coach Harvey Penick (1904-1995), but the saying…
“A goose walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A goose version is: "A goose walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says,…
“A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch”
"A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch" is a saying that has been printed on many images. American chef, cookbook author and teacher James Beard…
“A government that forces you to account to them for the way you spend your money, but…”
"A government that forces you to account to them for the way you spend YOUR money, but refuses to be accountable to you for how they spend YOUR money, should be immediately replaced" is a…
“A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television”
"A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Description: 'A grandmother is a baby-sitter…
“A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend”
"A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in print since at…
“A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween”
"A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "A grandparent pretends he doesn't know who you are on…
“A grapefruit is a lemon that had a chance and took advantage of it”
"A grapefruit is a lemon that had a chance and took advantage of it!" is a witticism first cited in print in 1913 and credited to someone named "Baer" -- possibly Arthur…
“A grasshopper walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular joke involving a grasshopper (hinting at the Grasshopper cocktail) is: "A…
“A grave twenty-three inches long” (a newspaper column)
American humorist and journalist Don Marquis (1878-1937) was one of New York City's first and most famous of newspaper columnists. He wrote the column "Sun Dial" for The Evening Sun…
“A great way to protect yourself from the sun is drinking wine in the shade”
"A great way to protect yourself from the sun is drinking wine in the shade" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "A great way to protect yourself from the…
“A green Thanksgiving means a white Christmas”
"A green Thanksgiving means a white Christmas" is a winter adage. If it doesn't snow on Thanksgiving, it will snow on Christmas. If it does snow on Thanksgiving, it will not snow on…
“A group for cyclists who ignore red lights: ‘Cyclists Unable to Notice Traffic Signals’”
"I'm setting up a help group for bike riders who ignore red lights. Please Feel free to join Cyclists Unable to Notice Traffic Signals #CUNTS" is an anti-cyclist joke that was posted…
“A group of dolphins is called a pod. And a group of falcons is called a cast…” (“podcast”)
"A group of dolphins is called a pod. A group of falcons is called a cast. When the Miami dolphins is playing Atlanta falcons, you are watching a...?" was posted on Twitter by ríck on…
“A group of homophones wok inn two a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A homophone version is: "A group of homophones wok inn two a bar..." "Wok…
“A group of kids is called a migraine”
Do kids give parents and teachers migraine headaches? "A group of kids is called a migraine" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "A flock of kids is called a…
“A grown up silly straw is called a serious straw”
A "crazy straw" or "silly straw" has a number of twists and turns at the top. There is no such thing as a "serious straw," but there are jokes. "I think silly…