“A duck walks into a bar and asks, ‘Got any grapes?’” (bar joke)

“A guy walks into a bar…” is a typical form of what has been called the “bar joke.” “A duck walks into a bar and asks, ‘Got any grapes?’” is one of the most popular bar jokes. The bartender says that he doesn’t have any grapes, but the duck keeps returning and asking the same question. Finally, the bartender says that he’ll nail the duck’s bill to the bar if the duck asks that question one more time. The duck returns, this time asking, “Got any nails?” When the bartender says “No,” the duck asks again, “Got any grapes?”
 
The joke has been cited in print since at least 1996. The joke was popularized in the YouTube video The Duck Song (2009), where a lemonade stand was used instead of a bar.
 
   
Reader’s Digest—Bar Jokes
Duck in a Bar
This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes”?
The bartender says, “No we only sell beer here”. The duck leaves.
The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes”?
The bartender says, “No I told you we only sell beer, and if you ask me again I’m going to nail your beak to the bar.” So the duck leaves.
The next day the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender “Do you have any nails”? The bartender says “no”.
The duck asks “Do you have any grapes”?
 
Centerville’s 2nd Grade Website
A duck walks into a convenient store and walks up the counter. The duck asks, “Got any grapes?” “No,” said the puzzled store clerk. The duck smiles and walks out the door. A little while later the duck returns and asks, “Got any grapes?” The clerk replies, “No! Like I already told you 15 minutes ago, I don’t have any grapes!” The duck smiles and walks out. A little while later the duck returns and again asks “Got any grapes?” The irate clerk yells, “No! We didn’t have any, we don’t have any, and were not going to have any. If you come back in here again I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!” The duck smiles and walks out. Later the duck returns and asks the clerk “Got any nails?” The clerk says “NO!” The duck replies, “Good! Got any grapes?”—from Dave Diehl, 6/19/1996
 
Google Groups: alt.humor.puns
Animal in Bar jokes?
Eric Welshons
2/28/97
A duck walks into a bar. “Got any corn?” he asks the bartender.
“No. Now get out of here.” So the duck leaves.
He comes back the next day. “Got any corn?”
“No. I told you yesterday; now get out of here.” So the duck leaves again.
 
He comes back in the following day. “Got any corn?”
“Look: I told you yesterday and the day before. We don’t have any corn.
If you come back here again, I’m going to nail your bill to the bar! Now get OUT!” So the duck leaves.
 
He comes back in the next day and walks up to the bartender.
“Got any nails?”
“No”
“Good. Got any corn?”
     
Google News Archive
12 November 1997, Spartanburg (SC) Herald-Journal, “The Stroller” by Lou Parris, pg. B1, col. 1:
A duck walks into a bar and orders grapes. “We don’t have any grapes,” barks the bartender. The next day, the duck returns to the bar, again ordering grapes. “I told you already that we don’t have any grapes,” says the bartender, “and if you ask again, I’m going to nail our bill to the bar.” The next day, the duck enters the bar and asks the bartender, “Got any nails?” “No!” screams the bartender. “Oh, well,” says the duck. “Got any grapes?”
 
Google Books
Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling’s Disgustingly Dirty Joke Book
By Jackie Martling
New York, NY: Fireside
1998
Pg. ?:
A duck walks into a 711, waddles up to the counter, and says, “Have you got any grapes?”
 
The guy behind the counter says, “No,” and the duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks into the 711 and says, “Have you got any grapes?”
 
The guy says, “No!”, and the duck leaves.
 
The next day the duck walks into the 711 and says, “Have you got any grapes?” (...)
 
A Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999
March 15, 1999
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Have you got any duck food?”
“No,” says the bartender.
Next day, the duck walks in again and asks, “Have you got any duck food?”
“I told you yesterday. No!” says the bartender.
Next day, the duck walks in and asks, “Have you got any duck food?”
The bartender says, “Look, duck, I didn’t have any yesterday or the day before. I don’t have any duck food. And if you come in tomorrow and ask for duck food, I’ll nail your bill to the bar.”
Next day, the duck walks in and asks, “Have you got any nails?”
“No,” says the bartender.
“Oh,” says the duck, “Have you got any duck food?”
Rem Johannsen, Kettering, OH
   
YouTube
The Duck Song
forrestfire101
Uploaded on Mar 23, 2009
Song by Bryant Oden. Video by Forrest Whaley.