“If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people”
"If you're having second thoughts, you're two ahead of most people" is a saying that has been printed on several images. That is, most people avoid thinking. "If…
Nicknames/Slogans
“If you’re having trouble understanding fractions, don’t worry, our helpline is open 24/7”
"The Improper Fractions Helpline is now open 24/7" is a math joke that has been printed on coffee mugs. "My top-heavy fractions helpline is now open 24/7" was posted on Twitter…
“If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue”
A joke about yodeling was posted on Twitter by MꙬse Allain on April 18, 2016: "If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly queue (orderly orderly orderly…
“If you’re homeschooled, all your work is homework”
Many people are schooled at home. "Since I am home schooled all my work is homework" was posted on Twitter on February 12, 2009. "Being home schooled all work is homework. *lame…
“If you’re in a cold room, stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees”
"If you're in a cold room, go stand in the corner. It's 90 degrees" is a geometry joke that has been printed on many images. "Why do Aggies/blondes stand in the corner when…
“If you’re in a fair fight, you didn’t plan it properly”
"If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck" and ""If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly" are sayings that have been…
“If you’re in need of a job, you could try Search and Rescue. They’re always looking for people”
"Search and recuse" is always "looking for people" -- not always to hire, but there are jokes. "Job Hunters Alert! Check out Local Search and Rescue! I hear they are always…
“If you’re interested in both red and green curries, does that make you bicurryous?”
Someone is "bi-curious" if that person is curious about becoming bisexual. "Bicurryous" is a jocular term for a person who likes several curries. "I love trying new kinds…
“If you’re looking for a husband, Tinder is the place to be! All kinds of husbands are on there…”
Tinder is an online dating and geosocial networking application. Many women go on Tinder to look for a husband, only to find out that many of the men on Tinder are already married. "If…
“If you’re looking for a sign that you should have a glass of wine, this is it”
"If you're looking/waiting for a sign that you should have a glass of wine, this is it" is a jocular drinking saying that has been printed on many images, especially bar and…
“If you’re looking for a sign to drink tonight, this is it”
"If you're looking for a sign to drink tonight, this is it" is a jocular drinking saying that has been printed on many images, especially bar and restaurant signs. "If…
“If you’re looking for morals in politics, you’re looking for bananas in the cheese department”
American actor, comedian and radio host Harry Shearer has been credited since 2008 for a political saying: "Democrats always like to brag that their guys are smarter than the opponents and…
“If you’re looking, you’re not cooking” (“If you’re lookin’, you ain’t cookin’”)
"If/when you're looking, you're not cooking" (or "If/when you're lookin', you ain't cookin'") is a barbecue rule not to constantly look under the…
“If you’re lucky enough to be Irish, you’re lucky enough”
"If you're lucky enough to be Irish, then you're lucky enough" is a popular St. Patrick's Day saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in…
“If you’re not a liberal at 20 you have no heart, if not a conservative at 40 you have no brain”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: List of misquotationsThis page consists of things that many people think are correct quotations but are actually incorrect. This does not include quotations…
“If you’re not at the New Yorker, you’re not in New York” (New Yorker hotel)
"If you're not at the New Yorker, you're not in New York" is the recent slogan of the old New Yorker hotel at 34th Street and Eighth Avenue. The New Yorker hotel is now owned by…
“If you’re not at the table, you’re on the menu”
"If you're not at the table, you're on the menu" (or, "You're either at the table or on the menu") means that if you're not at the (bargaining) table, then…
“If you’re not catching flak, you’re not over the target”
"Flak" (anti-aircraft fire) became a widely used term during World War II. "If you're not catching flak, you're not over the target" (or "If you're catching…
“If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying” (sports adage)
Many athletes go to great lengths to get any edge they can against their competition; this often includes taking performance-enhacing drugs. "If you're not cheating, you're not…
“If you’re not dripping with sweat at the gym, you ain’t doing it right”
Many people believe that if you work out, it should end with you dripping with sweat. "If you don't sweat....you ain't doin' it right" was posted on Twitter by Scott…