“I tried to force-feed our son when my wife said, ‘Use the fricking spoon. You’re not a Jedi’”
"Force-feeding" doesn't involve the "Force" from the
Food/Drink
“I tried to go to a moving sale today, but I couldn’t catch up to it”
A "moving sale" isn't a sale that constantly moves. It's a sale where the owner of the house is moving, or the business is moving, and things need to be sold. However, there are…
“I tried to re-marry my ex-wife, but she figured out I was only after my money”
Some people marry for money, but there's a jocular twist to this. "I wanted to remarry my Ex-wife but she refused and she said I was only after my money" was posted on Twitter on…
“I tried to say no to vodka, but it’s 40% stronger than me”
"I tried to say no to vodka, but it's 40% stronger than me" is a jocular one-line vodka saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on October 6,…
“I tried to send Bugs Bunny a file through Google Drive, but he only accepts a Whatsapp doc”
WhatsApp (an instant messaging and voice-over-IP service) has nothing to do with Bugs Bunny and his famous catchphrase "What's up, doc?," but there are jokes. "Cuál es la App…
“I tried to share a bag of potato chips with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench” (joke)
A joke about the homeless is: "I tried to share some chips with a homeless guy in the park last night. He told me to fuck off and get my own." The joke was posted on Twitter on April 10,…
“I tried to walk into a Target, but I missed”
A joke about Target stores was told by American stand-up comedian Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005) and has been printed on many images: "I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“I tried using a colander to view the eclipse. I think I’ve strained my eyes”
A colander is a kitchen utensil that has holes to drain foods. The holes can be looked through, but a colander is not a telescope. A joke became popular on Sickipedia in March 2015: "I tried…
“I trust the government to lie about everything”
"I trust the government to lie about everything" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I trust the government (to lie about everything)" was posted on Twitter by…
“I TRUST THE SCIENCE!”/“You trust the television.”
"Be honest, you didn't trust the science. You trusted the TV" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "Trust the science” became a popular saying during the…
“I try to avoid things that make me fat. Like scales, photos and mirrors”
"I try to avoid things that make me fat. Like scales, photos and mirrors" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I am trying my best to be a good girl and avoid…
“I try to be a good person, but then someone pulls out in front of me doing ten below the speed limit…”
A statement about the frustrations of highway driving was posted on X/Twitter by New_England_Dad on September 3, 2021: "I try to be a good person, but then someone pulls out in front of me…
“I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant ‘food’”
"I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant 'food.' I try to find the food in every situation" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I turn coffee into tax returns”
"I turn coffee into tax returns" is a jocular tax season saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is a tax preparer who needs coffee to function. "I turn coffee into…
“I understand that my body can’t digest corn or whatever…”
This saying about eating corn was posted on X/Twitter by tate on APil 29, 2024 and received over 159,000 likes: "i understand that my body can't digest corn or whatever. that's fine.…
“I used to be a freelance journalist, but I wasn’t very good at it. Lance is still in prison”
"Freelance" journalism isn't about freeing someone named Lance, but there's a joke: "I used to be a freelance journalist, but I was crap. Lance is still in prison."…
“I used to be a heavy drinker, but then I lost some weight”
A "heavy drinker" is someone who drinks a lot. A "heavy drinker" is not necessarily heavy in weight, but there are jokes. "i used to be a heavy drinker but then lost…