“How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?” (lawyer joke)
One popular lawyer joke hints at the lynch law: Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?A: Cut the rope. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1993. Google BooksGreat Lawyer Stories:…
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“How do you get a parrot to talk properly?”/“Send him to polytechnic.”
A "polytechnic" is not full of parrots (Pollys, as in "Polly want a cracker?"), but there's a riddle: Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?A: Send him to…
“How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?”/“Unzip it.”
An NSFW riddle is: Q: How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?A: Unzip it. A "fly" is small and has almost no meat, but the "fly" in the joke is a zipper. Sometimes "a…
“How do you get an actor off your front porch?” (joke)
Many jokes have been told about unemployed actors. One popular joke is: Q: How do you get an actor off your front porch?A: Pay him for the pizza. The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“How do you get an actor to complain?”/“Give him a job.”
Actors aren't happy when they're out of work, and many still complain when they do find work. "Here's a joke: How do you make an actor bitch? Give him a job." was printed…
“How do you get an elephant out of the theater?”/“You can’t. It’s in his blood.”
It's often said that actors have acting in their blood. There's a joke: Q: How do you get an elephant out of the theater?A: You can't. It's in his blood. The joke has been cited…
“How do you get gold’s attention?”/“You yell Au.”
The chemical symbol of symbol of gold -- Au -- sounds like "Hey, you!" A riddle was posted on Twitter by John Mayernaise on September 4, 2012: Q: How does Silver get Gold's…
“How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?”/“You column.”
Greek architecture is known for its Doric, Ionic, and Corinthian columns. "Column" sounds like "call him" or "call 'em." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes…
“How do you get into college?”/“Through the door.”
"How do you get into college?" usually refers to being accepted at a college, but there are jokes. "'My son got into DeVry' 'what'd he have to do? Open the…
“How do you get into the School of Rock?”/“You rock enroll.”
School of Rock is a 2003 comedy film directed by Richard Linklater. A "rock and roll" pun was posted on X/Twitter by LaughBreak || Dad Jokes ‘N More on August 29, 2023, and again on…
“How do you get rid of a boomerang?”/“Throw it down a one-way street.”
A boomerang riddle is: Q: How do you get rid of a boomerang?A: Throw it down a one-way street. The joke was printed in The Sun-Herald (Sydney, New South Wales) on July 8, 1973. Newspapers.com8 July…
“How do you get rid of a fat ghost in a house?”/“You exercise it.”
There are many "exercise" and "exorcise" puns. "We had a fat ghost haunting our house so I got our local gym instructor to exercise him" was posted on Twitter by Matt…
“How do you get to Carnegie Deli?” (joke)
"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?"/"Practice!" is a classic New York City joke. The Carnegie Deli opened in 1937, adjacent to Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Deli announced in late 2016…
“How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” (joke)
"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?" is a question visitors often ask. Old-time New Yorkers can provide the punchline: "Practice!" The joke has been cited in print since 1955.…
“How do you handle a dangerous cheese?”/“Caerphilly.”
Caerphilly cheese originates in the town of Caerphilly in Wales. The cheese has been the subject of some obvious puns, such as this one in 1994: Q: How do Welsh people eat cheese? A: Caerphilly.…
“How do you inspect Greek food?”/“With a gyroscope.”
"Gyro" (a Greek food) and "gyroscope" a measuring device) are not the same thing and are usually not pronounced the same, but there are jokes. "New iPhone 4 adds a…
“How do you insult a hamburger patty?”/“Call it a meatball!”
A hamburger riddle is: Q: How do you insult a hamburger patty? A: Call it a meatball. The joke was printed in the book One Hundred and One Hamburger Jokes (1978) by Phil Hirsch. Google BooksOne…
“How do you keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer?”/“Invite two of them.”
A popular joke is told about Southern Baptists: Q: If you invite a Baptist to go fishing with you, how do you keep him from drinking all your beer?A: Invite two of them! That is, the Baptists will…
“How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard?”/“Put him in your back yard.”
A dog riddle is: Q: How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard? A: Put him in your back yard. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1991. “How do you stop a dog from barking…
“How do you keep a violin from getting stolen?”/“Put it in a viola case.”
A popular riddle about the viola is: Q: How do you keep a violin from getting stolen?A: Put it in a viola case. In other words, no one would steal a viola. THe joke has been cited in print since at…