“I called the restaurant and I asked them if they take orders…” (joke)
"I called the restaurant and I asked them if they take orders, when they said they do, I told them 'run outside naked!'" is a jocular line that has been popular on Twitter. The…
Food/Drink
“I called the Tinnitus hotline earlier, but it just kept ringing”
Tinnitus is a disease that is ringing sound in one's ears. A pun was posted on Twitter by Graham Perry on October 25, 2009: "I called the tinnitus hotline but it just kept ringing."…
“I came from a tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant, I sat down and had broken leg of lamb”
"I came from a tough neighborhood," American stand-up comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) used to say. "In the local restaurant, I sat down and had broken leg of lamb."…
“I came from a tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars”
New York-born actor, film director and comedian Woody Allen said in his comedy act in the 1960s: "I was the sensitive kid, poet. There were tough kids in my class, there was a kid in my class…
“I came here to drink and fuck and I’m almost done drinking”
"I came here to drink and fuck and I'm about/almost/also done drinking" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "just released 'I came here to drink and fuck and…
“I came here to drink and fuck and I’m also done drinking”
"I came here to drink and fuck and I'm about/almost/also done drinking" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "just released 'I came here to drink and fuck and…
“I came here to drink and fuck…and I’m about done drinking”
"I came here to drink and fuck and I'm about/almost/also done drinking" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "just released 'I came here to drink and fuck and…
“I came last in a karate competition yesterday. I was kicking myself!”
The saying "I could kick myself" means to blame one's self. It doesn't involve literal kicking, but there are karate jokes. "I'm kicking myself for not taking up…
“I came, I ate, I conquered”
"Veni, vidi, vici" is Latin for "I came, I saw, I conquered." "I came, I ate, I conquered" is a food version. "I CAME, I ATE, I CONQUERED" was published in a…
“I came, I saw, I coffee’d”
"I came, I saw, I coffeed" (or "I came, I saw, I coffee'd") is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images." Veni, vidi, vici" ("I came, I saw, I…
“I can always remove my tin foil hat. Can you remove your spike proteins?”
"I can (always) remove my tin-foil hat. Can you remove your spike proteins?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. During the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, people who did…
“I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them” (joke)
"Lying" has more than one meaning. "I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying. I can also tell when they're standing" was posted on Twitter by Nathan…
“I can always tell when they use fake dinosaurs in movies”
"I can always tell when they use fake dinosaurs in movies" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The dinosaurs in movies -- unlike the animals in movies -- are all…
“I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying” (joke)
"Lying" has more than one meaning. "I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying. I can also tell when they're standing" was posted on Twitter by Nathan…
“I can be nice. Just add coffee”
"I can be nice. Just add coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I can be nice, just add coffee" was posted on Twitter by Death Wish Coffee Co. on…
“I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences”
"I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on X/Twitter by Artform on…
“I can eat a lot of sweet potatoes because I am polyyamorous”
"Polyamorous" means having relationships with multiple partners. It does not mean the love of many yams -- poly yam -- but there are jokes. "I'm polyYAMorous!…
“I can eat anything I want and not get fat because I’m already fat”
Some people can seemingly eat anything and not get fat. Mark Leggett posted on Twitter on April 23, 2014: "I can eat anything I want and not get fat because I'm already fat." The…
“I can eat sugar with either hand. I’m ambidextrose”
"I can eat sugar with either hand. I'm ambidextrose" ("ambidetrose" is a portmanteau of "ambidextrous" and "dextrose") is a joke that has been printed…
“I can either work well with others or pass a drug test. But not both”
"Sorry, boss... You can either expect me to work well with others or pass a drug test. It can't be both" (or "I can either work well with others or pass a drug test. But not…